a new post... sorta

I didn't write a poem for a while, but I have a "quick" post here.

Have a wonderful new year,
Enjoy the journey,
B

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 12]

Jesu

thank you
for coming here
for allowing us to adore you
Jesu,
you are
the greatest gift of all
you came
so we can do more
than call you
our God
you came to deepen our
relationship
with you
with God
our father
thank you
for being
Emmanuel
God with us
thank you
for saving us
from our sin
from death
thank you
for never leaving
or forsaking
us
I can write
a thousand poems
it'll never come
half way
to telling
how wonderful
you are
who am I
that you would save this wretch?
that you would choose
to leave your throne
to leave the forever
praises that are sung
age
after endless age
to you
THAT
you deserve
not this
not a barn
not a cross
not beaten & bruised
certainly not death
I deserve
these things
not you
you
want
me
that
bad?
...joy
to the world
indeed
my heart sings
right along
with thousands
of others before me...
"hallelujah...
and you
shall reign
forever
and ever
King of kings
Lord of lords..."
Born the King of angels
Born the King of all I can see
and much I cannot see
[much less fathom]
Thank you
for the sunset tonight
all of nature
rejoices
in the beauty
of it's creator
I've said this
to humans
but
it is infinitesimally
more true
of you
It may be
your birthday, Jesus
but we
got the gift!
thank you for the gift
of yourself
thank you, Jesus...
for being you
and loving me

rejoicingly yours,
b.e. noll

"glory to God
glory to God
in the highest
...peace on Earth
for the saving
King has come
and his light is here
for all who live
in darkness..."

We have seen a great light,
a brand new dawn,
of a never ending day,
his name
is
Jesus,
joy of man's desiring
desire
fulfilled


Happy Birthday Jesu!


hope this was as fun for you who read it, as it was for me.
May you have a very Merry Christmas
and a blessed new year,
Maria's here -like, in the house, so I may not post for a few days.
may God bless you all,
goodnight

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 11]

Sweet Holy Spirit

Thank you for leaving
unending glory
to live in my small
and often too dark
and cold heart
Thank you

that you would speak to the father
on my behalf
for helping me sense
his
[and your]
love for me
in dark times
for carrying me through
many of them
thank you for showing up
in
nightmare places
and transforming them
into
moments of
"peace
that passes
all understanding"
thank you for your willingness
to let Jesu
die
to save
a wretch
like me
thank you that in that event
you
[all
blessed 3 of you]
show
most powerfully
that love
isn't pretty
but it's
pretty necessary
with much love
and respect
you adopted child

b.e. noll

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 10]

Dear Abba

Yahweh
thank you
for loving me, us
enough
to send
the "crown jewel of heaven"
your son
to show me
how to have
an intimate relationship
with you.
you sent
you son
to save us
to tear down
the barrier
that separates
us
from you
you paid
the ultimate price
so we can live
with you
forever
let all
that has been created
sing

b.e. noll

"...Mary's boy child
Jesus Christ
was born on Christmas day
and man will live
forever more
because of
[Easter Sunday]
...oh
my Lord
you sent
your son
to save us
oh
my Lord
your very self
you gave us
oh my Lord
that sin
would not enslave us
and
love may reign
once more.."

2 days till we celebrate...

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 9]

Christmas, it's not about us

it's not about the lights
it's not about
cool new arrangements of familiar carols, played
it's not about
how many
or
how big
the gifts are
under the tree...
it's about who would be nailed
to that tree
it's about what he did 3 days later
It's about
prophecy fulfilled
it's about the worth
of weary souls
it's loneliness itself
being cast out
to walk by itself
It's about what we can give
to those
who don't know how
and do not have the means
to give back
it's about:
"we love
because
he
first
loved
us"
Pastor Steve has said
"you cannot out give God"
just for fun,
try
anyway

b.e. noll

"Joy
to
the world
the Lord
has
come...
and he
shall reign
forever
and ever
King of kings
Lord of lords"

He shall be High King God
from
"once upon a time"
to
"happily ever after"

let me live into
the words of Your messenger:
"I bring you
good news
that shall be
for all people.
Today
in the city of David
a Savior has been born
to you;
he is Christ
the Lord"

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 8]

A silent night

amid the chaos
amid the hustle
the bustle
of normal life
in a desert like town
a silent holiness
came
turning a barn
into a temple
not a temple
for the rich
not a temple
for the influential
or for the “stars”
of any age of men
a temple
for the lost
for the lowly
a temple
for the rest
of us
a baby
born in a barn
who would grow up
to save the world
here
there was a beautiful silence
a beautiful holiness
as the best chapter
of an unbelievable
severely brutal
love story was beginning
a love story
of
and for
all time
“good tidings
of great
[and unending joy]
that shall be
for all people
[of the entire
human race
from Adam & Eve
to the last humans born
in this world]
for
unto you
is born
this day
in the city of David
[our] savior,
Christ
The Lord”

The last song
we sing
[@ LW]
on Christmas eve
is Silent Night
there is something profound
in the singing
of this carol
maybe
it’s the fact
that so many nights
leading up to Christmas
are anything
but silent
not
necessarily
holy
Christmas
seems to turn life upside down
Sin
does pretty much the same
Yet
Jesus shows up
and
rights things
putting things
in their proper order
in their proper perspective
The first time he does this
it really feels weird
having been upside down
for so long
it takes time
to adjust
yet
once you do
the
“old way” seems
so silly
so shallow
so unimportant

Jesu,
as I prep
not only for my
“little sister’s” return
help me to keep
your perspective
on all things
Christmas things
and non

b.e. noll

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 7]

Last night I kind of "hit a wall". I had a minor meltdown. Seems funny now. I realize what I wanted, would make me miserable if I got it. Some "gifts" we ask for are like that.
Tonight, I wasn't sure I could keep my 12 poems project going. Which, in a way, is also funny. No one's going to "hunt me down" if I can't do it one night. It fits into that old joke. "It isn't a 'final exam'. Now, if they took you out back & shot you if you failed, that would be a FINAL exam." I'm trying to prepare room for my sister-in-law. Well, that's my excuse anyway. I just need things cleaned up around here. Mick & I sat down to kinda run through our plans for Fri. Sat. & Sun. What thing will be like, Maria coming on Tues. [and praying she doesn't get stranded anywhere on her way here]

Talked to a friend today, which influenced my poem tonight...

preparing

So much
goes into Christmas
hard to believe
it began in a barn
me
I think I’m immune
to all the
“holiday mayhem”
then
in the blink of an eye
I’m right in the middle of
Pastor Steve’s talk this morning
all
self enthroned
with what I want
why do we do this?
why do I?
walking around
like the world owes us something
I think the world
really does owe me something
and I’m learning to
thank God that he hasn’t
let the world give it to me
I have a feeling it won’t be as grand
as I’d like to think it should be
-and me
of all people
my life has had
darkness
ugliness
in it,
sure
ugly enough
I’m not comfortable sharing
BUT
I have so much more
than so many
I’m sure
many people would buy me
all kinds of things
to get
what I have
because no store
sells
what I have
a loving wife
a loving family
loving parents
through my dear sweet Mick
I have sisters,
a brother,
nieces
Wal-mart doesn’t sell these
…
there is a throne
in my heart
and I need to be
kneeling in front of it
not sitting on it
someone far more
selfless needs to sit there
“… let every heart
prepare him room..”
the song says
I think
I need him in every square inch
of my heart
maybe I need to give him a skeleton key?
you know,
“All access”
I’m glad for second chances
I seem
to keep
right on
needing them

b.e. noll


oh, & I liked family circus today...

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 6]

…and the word became flesh…

a book
a living book
John says it
in the beginning
was
the word
was with God
the word was God
in seven days
we celebrate
the word
becoming flesh
dwelling with us
no more saying
“your way up there
you have no idea
what it’s like down here”
33 years
for “knowing what it’s like”
A compassionate counselor
a healer
a friend
a savior
unto us
is given
born in a “back water town”
how did Luke Skywalker put it?
“if there is a bright spot in the universe,
you are in the place it is furthest from.”
born
the humble king
king of the downtrodden
born
in someone else’s barn
died
for someone else’s crimes
buried
in someone else’s tomb
The word
became flesh
to do all this
Lewis’
“Great Lion”
John
in Revelations
speaks of him this way first
the Lion of the tribe of Judah
he is worthy
the word
a child
the word
a boy
the word
a man
the word
a lamb
the word
a Lion
the word
a conquering King
…
the greatest hero
of the greatest love story
ever lived

b.e. noll

for unto us
a child is born
for unto us
a son is given
his name
shall be called:
wonderful counselor
mighty God
Prince of Peace
everlasting Father

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 5]

a thankful, yet untitled, poem...

Jesu,

Thank you
that I have 2 cars that work
a home
that keeps me warm
and dry
Thank you
for my parents
so few, can claim
to be as blessed as I
thanks for Dad’s impromptu little shopping trip last Sat.
and for our feast Wed.
and Mom’s brownie
Thank you
for my friends
for little messages
that they send [that are saved on my phone]
for the ability to call one up & say
“Narnia” this Sat.?
sure
Thanks for Mick
who new I’d grow up to enjoy dolls?
especially one who talks & dresses herself
and talks to me
thanks for all she has given me
a brother
sisters
and then one sister & my brother
giving me 2 cute as a button nieces
who new
that it would feel so good
to be
“Uncle Brian”?
thanks for a church
that feels like
home
a good place to learn
share
grow
thanks for snow
for the 2 things snow
always says to me
#1. Over the Rhine says quite well
“…the snow is falling, falling like forgiveness from the sky…”
#2. Only a God like you
can change an entire landscape
by adding only 1 color
Thank you for being an artist
and for putting that artistic trait
in so many of your people!
it’s fun
to be an artist
for
The Artist
thank you
for you
for all you’ve done
for all you are now doing
for all you will do
in what I call the future
-love beyond the end of the sky,
B

By B.E. Noll

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 4]

Undefeatable Kingdom

Beyond
a great ocean
an unknowable barrier
separates me
from a place
beyond magic
beyond fantasy
a place that defines both
yet
is bound by neither
The West,
Narnia,
Aslan’s Country,
Eden,
Heaven,
“the source”,
You came from a place
beyond places
a place
outside of time
and space
to save me
from a place
I feel
I got far too close to
to begin with
so that I can inherit
your
Undefeatable Kingdom
I get to follow
the Grandest of
Grandmasters
learning
from the master
of Masters
The master of all things
knowable
and unknowable
fathomable
and unfathomable
what’s that old hymn?
“How Great Thou Art”
somehow
doesn’t cover it
You will let me live
in this indescribable kingdom
You want me to live there
with you
words are lost
they
“run for cover”
knowing they are unable to explain
what your actions
your love
does
and means
to me

B.E. Noll

To the ruler of Undefeatable Kingdom

How great
are you God
can’t help but sing of
how great
you are God…

…let heaven & nature sing
with us
of how great
how great
you are God
how great
are you God
we don’t really know
how great
you are God
we paint,
write,
play,
carve,
photograph,
and sing,
of how great
how great
you are God…

“…peace on Earth
good will
to men
from heaven’s
all gracious King…”



8 days till we celebrate your birthday Jesu...
please give safe travel mercies to Maria, on her journey home to us.
And please have very little snow between here & the airport on Tues.
thanks for helping her to come home to us. Never thought I'd ask you for little to no snow. help me sleep good, let Mick feel better before she gets here.
Love you,

B

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 3]

I'm sort of "crossing over" from my Organic by Design blog, here at the beginning...

another favorite "classic" carol...

I love the version from Trans-Siberian Orchestra [T.S.O.'s] song "Prince of Peace"...

Hark
the herald
angels sing
Glory to
the newborn King!
Peace on earth
and mercy mild
God
and sinners
Reconciled
Joyful,
all ye
nations rise
Join the triumph
of the skies
With
the angelic host proclaim:
Christ is born
in Bethlehem
Hark!
The herald
angels sing
Glory to
the new
born
King!

Reconciled

Jesu
this is more
than just a celebration
of your birthday
more
than just
“thanks for coming”
YOU
fixed
my relationship
with your dad
I never
even
had to
ask you to

by B.E. Noll

[untitled…
or, perhaps: the rebuilder]

God created the world
but Lucifer said
"I can ruin this"
God
loved people
He had a relationship with them
but Lucifer said
"I can ruin this"
Jesus came
and
on one Friday
Lucifer said
"I can ruin this"
…
but 3 days later
Jesus walked out of his tomb
and HE said
"yes,
but I can rebuild it."

b.e. noll

“behold, I make all things new” -Jesus [Revelations 21:5]
…joy
to
the world
The LORD
has come
let Earth
[& all of her inhabitants]
receive
her
KING

9 days till we celebrate
your birthday, Jesu!

12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 2]

welcome to a slightly later than I'd like edition of my "self challenge".
The movie referenced in this one is Narnia's "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader". It was really good. I loved the end. [thanks for going with, Joe]

A midnight clear

They say it came
perhaps for them
for me
however
it came
over the course of
many events
this
“I will never leave you or forsake you”
it came to me on
“normal looking” days
Nothing seemed “out of the ordinary”
till things went wrong
wrong enough to end me
yet
didn’t
wrong enough,
sometimes,
to make me want
my story to be over
roll credits
bring up the house lights
drop your 3D glasses
into the bin
discuss what you liked afterward
with a friend
at a fast food joint
but on my
nights that were
not so clear
my days
that were not so
“merry & bright”
he
came
[or, perhaps better said, he stayed]
showed me
that even if I couldn’t see
anyone who cared
it didn’t mean
that they weren’t there

I’m glad
that when I asked you
to end my story
you said
no.
…funny,
seeing a movie
Sat.
with a good friend
I want to leave my life
the way the mouse
left the movie screen
thank for hanging with me
& a friend
in a movie theater
on a Sat.
Thanks
for writing my story
for forgiving me
when I want
to wrestle the pen
from your hand
most of all…
thanks
for being
the hero
of my story

By B.E. Noll

12 poems of Christmas?

[a self challenge] I'm going to see if I can write 12 poems of/about/because of Christmas.
[...ah, & if some are lame, well... to borrow a quote from Jim Carry "be gentle"]

a quest, a journey [pt. 1]

They traveled so very far
to see you
through the desert
on camels
sadly
you have been with me
all along
yet it took so long
to turn around & see you
to really
"prepare him room"
...
it has taken photography
to see
"heaven & nature sing"
of you
and sing
it surely does
12 days
till the celebration
of your coming
begins.
...or
re-intensifies.

I'm sorry I almost
ruined it for you
the why you came
sorry to myself
that I almost missed it
[or almost gave it back]

All this
to save
your people
this birth
your birth
a new hope
marks
a new count down
a count down
to the beginning
of something you said
in John's Revelation
you came
to
die
and then
to rise
3 days later
marking the beginning
of:
"behold,
I am making
all things new"

by B.E. Noll

a better Christmas poem?

This poem is inspired by an online Christmas disc from Dustin Kensrue

[which is where I got the title from]

This Goodnight is Still Everywhere
Silent night
holy night
silent
till the angels came to shepherds
watching their flocks
So much has happened
since that silent, holy night
so many more
than the
“we 3 kings”
have traveled so far
we bear nothing to give
but what is left of ourselves
…now here I am
in another Christmas
“holiday rush”
putting up a tree
built like an upside down “hairy umbrella”
with lights on it
I don’t need this tree
the decorations
the stockings
the angel on top
I don’t need the cookies,
homemade fudge,
‘n such
I still need
that boy
the homeless
adopted
son
of a Nazarene carpenter
I need Him to come
[even though some say His birthday
is actually closer to mine,

Than my Mom’s]
because how can he die
if he was never here?
O
come
please come
Emanuel
Thank you for coming
for the faithful
and the not so much
Thanks
for not being Santa
Santa gives gifts to good boys & girls
You give to bad ones
because
we’re all bad
sooner or later
Your birthday
…but we
get the gift
the gift of you
oh what a goodnight
this is
and this goodnight
is still everywhere
and this goodnight
is for everyone

[…thanks for buying us…”as is”

….greater still, thanks….for not leaving us
as you find us….
“…& I will never
be the same again…”]

by B.E. Noll

A Christmas poem?

well, my youngest sister-in-law will be joining us for Christmas. Which means its entirely possible that I won't post from Sun. the 19th -New Years Eve.
Don't know if I like this poem, it's a bit rough. However, I haven't posted for a while. Christmas is a big deal to me. Christmas, to me, is God's intervention. God, painting Himself into His art, to redeem it. Jesus, God's "art restore-er". ...or Jesus, "Extreme Makeover: Human Edition". Anyway, here's a fairly new [if rough] poem.

Yahweh,
Thank you for sending Jesu here
For wanting me so much that you would create
& live
through the greatest story of love ever
and I am thankful
to you
for sending your most precious gem from Heaven
to save me
from myself

Jesu,
Thank you for coming here.
for leaving what I cannot even imagine
to come here
live,
love,
be with,
heal,
so many
you came to give
unending riches
to poor souls
to be
"a light in dark places,
when all other lights go out"
You are the opposite of us
you came to be
unselfish
to self consumed people [like me]
to pay the price for us
who cannot die a violent, suffering death
worthy of covering ourselves
you went through
verbal abuse
physical abuse
humiliating abuse
publicly
for our private sins
you who could tell people to die
and they would have
you kept silent
Jesu...
YOU are the greatest gift of all

Thank you for wanting me so much
for wanting to be with me
for wanting to have an active relationship with me
thank you for being
"the Real Superman"
for being a REAL man.
no one is more manly than you

Thank you for sending your gentle
yet massive Spirit
to live
in such a small slum
as my heart

...you loving/ changing me
talk about "rags to riches"...

only 15 days till we celebrate your birthday, Jesu

a room in time

a "round two" if you will...

a room in time

get up early
take a drive to Rutter's
pick up the one newspaper a year
that sells out by lunchtime
2 copies please
one to leave @ home
one to take along
get back home
and settle in
eat, read The Book,
pray, stretch out,
sign the card for my blond
if I haven't done better at getting ahead
turn on Macy's annual parade
maybe write,
maybe do dishes
take down the decorations for
today's holiday
get out those Christmas records
-er, I mean "discs"
Start putting up the decorations
as a large vocal group ironically sings
"we need a little Christmas now"
think of 2 different friends
ministering to those who don't have
family
try
to get there by one.
cause that's when they'll gather 'round the table
dig into turkey, gravy, sweet potatoes, filling,
and several veggies
[cause we're all too picky to like the same ones]
afterwords
the "big" gals will sit with the black Fri. adds
planning their strategy
the "little" girls playing at our feet
we guys may saunter off to the TV
for a football game
-but not soccer-
or out the door for a quiet walk
knowing that the season for craziness
is close at hand
drive the interstate
back to our little home
my blond & me
exchange cards
loving glances
and speak of future plans
while making final decisions on Thanksgiving with
our other parents,
and looking forward to it
while this is not a "room" in a building
this is a room in time
named
Thanksgiving Day

by B.E. Noll

poem place

L.L. Barkat wonderfully gives poem ideas that can be a fun launching place for a poem.
As I haven't been reading the blogs linked here a whole lot lately, I'm a little behind on this. Here goes anyway. Oh, & to keep with the thankfulness of this week, I'm thankful for all the blog links to the right of my posts...
[this is very rambling...]

A poem of here

So
I sit here
amid the piles of papers
whishing I had taken better care of things
wishing I was “done” with them
done with projects
wires & speakers
setting on the desk
that is too big for the room
the room
that seems too small for my plans
there seems to be no room in here for me
and I should love to fix this mess
another fine mess I’m in
yet it is here that I also
amid the piles of neglect
write thanks to Yahweh
for many of the reasons
this room is messy
friends that I spend time with
a cold wife
who loves to cuddle with her warm husband
the room is chaos
& I listen to a chaotic piano
from a metal band that isn’t “usual”
which reminds me how
not “usual” I, myself, am
my printer setting inches from where I’m typing
hibernating
a borrowed Bible
a borrowed poem book
borrowed classical music
a jump drive lying,
abandoned on the desk slightly in from of the speakers
Ironic
I’m listening to music
but not on them
on headphones
yet another spaghetti cord
slithering about this chaos
yet I am laughingly calm
which doesn’t even make sense
waiting to buy a newspaper that will be
lathered with sales papers
almost resembling something I don’t even eat
-a taco
the “normal paper” being the shell
and the meaty reason I buy it
spilling out onto my floor soon
Yet I am thankful still
for the truth that
even though things are messy here
barely room amid the mess to move my chair
I am moving forward
the messy piles
remnants of
an “old self”
dying too slowly
yet dying all the same
and getting help from
the me that is being born
in it’s place
all this running through my mind
as I sit in this space

by B.E. Noll

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

on Thanksgiving

To the maker of all things

Thank you
for making sound
for turning some of it into music
for allowing us to sing & write
to you
thanks
for painting the skies
for long walks in the woods
for going with me on them
for beautiful views
for the way my woman walks
for the way she looks at me
and the way she feels
cuddled into me
thanks for the ability to walk
thanks for language
for my eyes
and much of what I get to see
for giving people
[some I know
& some I don't]
the ability to be creative
like you
thanks for light
thanks for night
thanks for food
thank you
that I can cook
[somewhat]
for saxophones
for drums
for bass
for the interesting & old
& odd instruments
that people like Kemper Crabb & Troy Donockley play
thank you for the roof over my head
& the fact it doesn't leak
thank you for those who sit with me
when my sadness leaks
out
for LW
for it's coffee bar
& all the cool folks
who have let their stuff
be displayed for me to see
for the safe haven
LW often seems to be
thanks for being
my safe fortress
for me to be me in
thanks that you are a rock
to build solidly on
& a warm comfort
to keep me
to relax me in
thanks for my family
they are more rare than precious gems
thanks for giving me nieces
to remind me of the joy
children can bring

you alone
know better than most
that I will be thanking you
for thousands of centuries
for all you have given to me
in this wisp
of breath called my life
Thank you for your grace
your unwavering, deeper than the cosmos love,
for your mercy
your faithfulness endures
truly,
there is none like you
and I'm thankful
for that too...

B. E. Noll

a song for many different occasions

I'm listening to sound samples from a unique artist I like named Kemper Crabb. As I do I am reminded of an old tune he did with a progressive band he was in called Arkangel...

Dwelling Place
Words by Kemper Crabb
music by Arkangel
From the album Warrior

His
voice
is like
The breeze
off the mountain
That cools
the desert dweller
far below
When I am
confused
And I can’t see
my way
through
Jesus speaks to me & I know
I can see the way to go
Like
the sun
rising through
the trees
after a night
Of darkness & despair
Is a joy
that comes
from keeping still before him
My Lord & God
& hearing
the word of
the Lord
from the lips of
the living God

You are my dwelling place
My hiding place from the world[sung 2x's]

From the world [sung 2x's]

I think of this song when I go out on a photography hike. When the night seems longer than it should be, & when the first rays of hope shine after a dark time. I wrote a "fall poem" that I'll post soon.

Oh, & if you'd like to hear the unique sounds I just finished sampling: Kemper's new one is called Reliquarium. [Click on the title to hear samples]

May His grace drip from your fingers,
B

Silence

Well... here I am.
I don't know if I'm really good at being a friend.
The way I am on facebook is similar to my life. I can be very fun for a while...
& then I'm silent.
I'd say I'm sorry...feels like I say that a lot.
If your really sorry though... you actually change. Then people see that change...
and you're apology is believable.
Hopefully
my apology will become visible in the near future....

some reasons are:
I'm trying to get a grip on my life [or should I say, a better grip]
trying to live more openly/real toward God & Mick
trying to not put things off so much
trying to throw out stuff that just no longer has a purpose in my life
trying to be able to find what I bother to keep [& not trip over it!]


Silence

this
I am good at
like a jazz song
I suddenly flurry online
facebook,
blogs,
posting:
thoughts,
photos,
comments
all at once I'm really friendly
and then
here it comes again
I
am
silent
"is something wrong?"
"can he @ least say so
-or not so?"
I don't
I don't say
anything
I just
"cue crickets"
and I'm silent
I share for a while
then I get frustrated
and, yes, quiet
does it mean I've given up?
does it mean
I'm being mean?
well... not necessarily
it usually doesn't mean
I'm in a mean mood
I guess
sometimes
I'm just afraid
to share
afraid it'll come back
to haunt me
it did, after all,
but that was long ago
but not long
enough ago
I guess.

by B.E. Noll

take care, blessings
B

an update

Hello all,

As my wife watches a show set in France [& I enjoy the English spoken w a French accent, & the French, which brings back memories] I'll try to update those of you not privy to my facebook page.

I didn't sleep well Thurs. or Fri. [as my previous post shows well]

The surgery went very well. They left a total of 4... "objects" in my nose.
Mick remembers things that I don't, about that day. Including me being very cold, which freaks her out. [I rarely wear a coat in a snowstorm, so this is a bit understandable] They told her it was normal when you wake up from anesthesia.
I actually went to LW on that following Sun. [I don't know why but at times like that it seems so much more worth it to go. The worship was so made for me, & I loved the visual worshipper set up these last 2 weeks. -aka "the video walls"]
Fri., I mostly watched movies. My personal collection of them. As I could not sleep I listened to Kemper Crabb - The Vigil, various Phil Keaggy solo guitar discs, Robert Fripp - Churchscapes: At the End of Time, & my collection of Iona music. I even put my Iona - Live in London DVD in for a while, & felt like my little living room became a temporary monestary/healing room. My sleep patterns began to slowly return as the days followed.
Last Wed. I went in to see my ENT Dr. He assures me that things look great. And He removed 2 of the 4 "foreign objects". I instantly felt 200% better. I could REALLY breathe!!! Better than I have in a very long time. Oct. 6th I will have the other 2 removed. I have an odd feeling since. Almost like being resurrected from some "pale form of myself". Last Fri. I went back to work. I think I'm doing well there, though I am not allowed to lift more than 14lbs. ...I had no idea just how light 14 lbs was! ugh... as some know too well, I am terrible at asking for help. Yet, things are going well. I feel like I have more energy. My stomach is slowly doing better. I am on an antibiotic, prednisone, taking acidophilus [& eating yogut -shhhh! don't tell anyone. It'll ruin my image!], & 2 allergy med.'s. Though the pain killers they gave, I only took 2 of, quite pleased there. I have had a couple of bad headaches Thurs. through Sat. They seem to be gone [& only took advil for those.] I'm glad to be so far ahead of where I was last time I had surgery. My head feels very clear.
Thanks for all the prayers. Well, I should go... lately, it seems, if I don't get off here [internet/computer] early enough I can't sleep.

May His grace drip from your fingers,
B

A Love Note to Yahweh

...I cannot sleep long, right now... so I'll read & write.
[& thank God for Phil Keaggy, Kemper Crabb, Iona, Robert Fripp, Donald Miller, & Eugene Peterson -to name a few]

Yahweh

How do I write of You?
YOU…
Are solitude
all the beauty of solitude, anyway
Yahweh
even your name is soothing
in solitude
with you
I feel a brief inkling
Of how massive you are
How immeasurably huge you must be
Yet… how, oh Great & Mighty one,
Do I describe
“all the things you are” to me?

…more like all the ways you are toward me…

You,
oh Lord,
You are a blanket…
The size of a large city

You,
Oh Lord,
Are an island I can live on
An island that would take a thousand eternities to cross

You,
Oh Holy Spirit,
Are a breeze to calm my anxious soul
Speaking to the Architect of my soul
In a secret language no one else knows

You,
Oh loving Jesu,
You are…
The Master Physician’s Rx for my soul
You have healed the rift & become a “bridge across forever”
I stand in awe
-no
I am laid low
Unable to speak, stand or move

For you, oh Jesu,
You choose to heal my wounds…
& keep your own
Jesu, you died to shout
In actions
“I love you”
“I choose you”
And then you rose
Walked into my life & said:
“do you love me, too?
do you
Choose me?”

…yes
A billion times over
Yes

B.E. Noll

...thanks to all who are praying for me...your prayers are very much felt, & appreciated! I am recovering well, no pain so far, & feeling surrounded by a temple [or tent?] of prayers which feels very wonderful...
If any of you go to any of the arts shows here this weekend, -& can easily do so- post pictures so I can vicariously go with? Thanks
B

probably the last till after surgery...

Well, this week is NUTS! today, got my head x-ray. Tomorrow a meeting, Wed. another game [Revolution]. Thurs. prep for surgery on Fri. All I know about Fri. is 2 things, I will have surgery, my nose will be stuffed up, & I'll probably sleep a lot. [ok, 3 things]

so... I'm a little nervous doing this, but this is my facebook photo:
Brian Noll
I'm not sure when & where I'll post, but I'll probably start there. I'll be surprised if I say anything before Sat. I'll try to friend any who ask...
also you can leave comments here.

Music is often my friend, my blanket, a pile of fallen leaves to hide in...

Walk on
[...& love
is not
the easy thing
the only baggage
you can bring
is all that you can't
leave behind...]

Stuck in a moment you can't get out of
[...& if
your
way should
falter
along this
stony path
it's just a moment
this time
will pass...]

Have a great week, & holiday weekend.
B

for L.L. [Solace pt. 1]

The Solace of Nature [the organic temple of Yahweh]

it never takes long
to get caught up in You
this impromptu
stroll
into Your
organic living room
the curtains
made of trees
fallen leaves,
roots,
rocks,
dirt
the carpet & tile floors
of our hangout room
whether I'm aching
flaking,
breaking,
or escaping
I can come to your place
& spend some time
time out of time
I count down the days
till I can be with you
among the trees,
rocks,
and your whispering breezes.
I don't always need You to speak
I just always need to feel
You with me
by choice
don't know why You choose me
but I'm oh so glad
that you do
Thank You for special
moments
moments of awe
moments of swept away-ness
swept away by Your presence
...& all the while You unfold a new moving art display
in the sky
the tent
of Your Organic Temple

briefly...

I have been thinking of doing this for a while now. So I just "up & did it". My health, thoughts, & other variations will now be on the blog "organic by design". I have updated my surgery dates on there, as they have changed.

[untitled]

I haven't posted a poem for a while... & I'm contemplating some things...

a puzzle, an awakening

It was hard
to awaken the real me
when the ghosts had been running a muck for years
slowly
I became aware
of all that lie beneath
fractals
shards
I felt like
broken glass
like I was grafting
“frankenstiening”
things about a crowd of people
I thought I met once
I kept thinking
I liked
the pieces
would I
could I
like them assembled?
could they
would they
end up
as me?
then
who, exactly
would I be?
Am I making me?
or…
am I
awakening
to the me
I was born to be?

by
B.E. Noll

I know I said...

I know I said I was taking a break. I still won’t be “regularly blogging” for a while [Aug. – Nov.]
I hate to leave things the way I did for too long. My blog doesn’t need to be negative, you can find that elsewhere. Though, if I may say so, it’s not always fun being different from everyone else. –or, at least feeling different. It’s nice to have a few people who can stand you –as is. Anyone can look good for a picture. But life is much more of a hiking trail, than a photo shoot. [perhaps more on this later]

2 things…
#1. I am having sinus surgery again. To finish fixing my septum. It would fall under “minimally invasive surgery”. As they will probably not need to make an incision. [i.e. cut me] They will go –ah, this may be the “queasy part” so if that’s “not you thing” skip to #2. I have people who like the details… this…is for you. They will go up my nasal opening to fix my deviated septum. They did this last time. They need to fix a part up closer to the bridge of my nose this time. The part they fixed previously is doing wonderfully. So the hope of my ENT & myself is this will be the last one. [ever? -!!!] I am not “showing symptoms”. [which were: dizziness, extreme headaches, generally lousy] This is good news. However, if I don’t get the surgery now…I’ll just have to get it done later. So let’s put procrastination off till tomorrow, shall we? Thus, Sept. 10^th [a Fri. –the one after Labor Day] I will have this done. It will cause me to miss some days of work as I am not allowed to lift anything over 10 lbs. Rendering me basically useless @ work. So Mick & I are adjusting the vacation plans we had for next week, & I’m pondering how early in the week I’ll go to the cabin [@ the end of this month]. Should be out about 7 days [I think it was 2 weeks last time out.] sigh.

#2. Onto cheerier stuff. Mick & I were invited to a wonderful wedding last Fri. [Thanks Lauren & Jed, & congrats!] Loved the ceremony, & what the Pastor [& father of the groom] spoke about. The symbolism used. And was reminded of the last song sung before my own wedding began. Since my surgery will be around the same time I thought I’d put this up early. Love the song, still mean every word…

Thigpen's Wedding
by Kemper Crabb

Here I set
my face unto you
Here I speak
my heart's true vow
Here I choose
to walk beside you
Loving only you,
my heart speaks true
Forevermore from now.

I will love you in the dawning
And in the bright noonday
I will love you in the even
Everyday I live,
my heart I'll give
I'll love you from my grave.

I have heard God
in your laughter
I have seen Him
on your face
And it's clear now what He's after
For He wrote
your name
on my heart
in flame
It's a wound I'll not erase.

We will rise
on wings of morning
We will fly
before the wind
We will dwell within the mysteries
And the glories of
Jehovah's love
A circle with no end.

We will pitch our tents toward Zion
In the shadow of His love.
We will covenant between us
We will covenant
with the earth below
And with heaven
up above
We will covenant
with the dust below
And the Spirit
up above.

May his grace drip from your fingers,
B

Hi,
I think I'm going to take a lengthy time off. I have a lot to think about. I need to understand where I'm heading. I'm also not getting very positive feedback recently. So, for now, I'll be signing off...

an "ode" to Mom

Last night I spoke about my Dad to my Growth Group [they asked each one to share about their Dad]. to quote "Weird Al" "awe man, I hate it when I'm right"
I began with: "No matter what I say, or how many hours I talk, I'll be leaving so much out..."
This is true of both of my Dads. [my Earthly one, & my Heavenly One] I don't talk much about either of my parents, because I know that some of you never knew your parents... & some of you, sadly, wish you didn't. I'll try to talk about them both, on occasion. Hopefully this will not be hard for anyone. Tonight, to compliment last night, I will talk about just one part of my Mother. Something she gave to me, both in experiences, & DNA. Music. My love of piano, is totally my Mom's fault! I can remember her practicing for hours. "Mom, play the one that goes..." She plays Holy, Holy, Holy where she changes the mood for each verse, it's so cool. Somber for the crucifixion, the triumphant rising & returning for us [I can almost hear her playing it now].
I'm trying to work up the nerve to write a poem a day for 100 days. So...

When did we first meet?
when did I first
lay ears on you?
when did you float on the air toward me?
I just don’t remember
I know it was long ago
crawling on the floor
under the grand piano
at someone’s house
mother playing favorites
pop, classical memories
as her fingers waltzed across the ivories
Hymns, Themes to shows
later she would “accompany me”
during my guitar practices
below her
in the basement
I guess
thanks to Mom
I will always enjoy music
I will always have a soft spot in my heart
for the piano
it doesn’t matter
who I’m listening to
Rick Wakeman
Neal Morse or
Chick Corea
a cousin,
or even a stranger in a mall
even the smell of a piano
brings back memories
so many memories
thanks Mom

by B.E. Noll

As for the smell of pianos. My Grandfather [Mom's Dad] tuned pianos for years, by ear...

this is based on a conversation I had just this evening...

Why I don’t Love You

Why don’t I love you?
…let me explain the ways
I don’t love you for your hair
you may lose it
or choose to give it up
[“take it all off”]
I don’t love you for your smile
your brain may one day forget how to make one
I don’t love you for your physique
[though it is quite unique]
because it may “go down”
before the sun does
perhaps even on this very day
your eyes though they may twinkle
over some favorite doughnut [sprinkle?]
I don’t love you for them
[they only see part of me,
as mine only see part of you]
No
these are the ways I do not love you
if I care for you
it’s not really much based
on what my eyes “behold”
for that is just what your soul wears
“soul clothes”
you might say
…but it’s the thin part of you
it’s not the meat
it’s not the best part
the best part is
talking
“hanging”
how you express yourself
how you are ok
with me expressing myself
you don’t need to like everything I like
or like it as much as me
even if we both
write poetry
you will be you
and I
me
real friends let you
just be
and freely enjoy

ENCOUNTER [with drums... an a challenge]

I just got home from ENCOUNTER. WOW. I loved the drums! Encounter is an evening of worship at LW. I listened to my King Crimson "Double Drums" concert this week in anticipation. The evening went way beyond what I expected. As tonight drew near I was flooded with some interesting thoughts. I have been enjoying praise music, as well as "music for Him", or... I might call it "music for US". On the way home I couldn't help sing along to Magnificent by U2. "...I was born, I was born, to sing for you. I didn't have a choice, but to lift you up, & sing whatever song, you wanted me to. I give you back my voice. From the womb... Justified, till we die, you & I will magnify, oh The Magnificent..." I've been reading some of my favorite Psalms...[from The Message]

Psalm 8

A David Psalm

God, brilliant Lord, yours is a household name.
Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;
toddlers shout the songs
That drown out enemy talk,
and silence atheist babble.

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
your handmade sky-jewelry,
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
Why take a second look our way?

Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods,
bright with Eden's dawn light.
You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
repeated to us your Genesis-charge,
Made us lords of sheep and cattle,
even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
whales singing in the ocean deeps.

God, brilliant Lord,
your name echoes around the world.

[this is just one, 2 others are Psalm 4, & Psalm 98 -which is where a playlist I have "98 to infinity" gets it's name]

Anyway, The drummers came out, some from the back of the auditorium. They played buckets. I've seen it done... just not in church! I loved that 3 of our worship team spoke. [Chris, Connie, & Gordon] I may post of things they spoke about, very wonderful. However this post is getting long. LW's art gallery had it's opening tonight as well. I loved the paintings. Bright almost neon colors in some. The textures of others. ...and a challenge. The artist, Melody Hogan, was challenged to paint, a new painting, everyday, for 100 days. ...wow, so I had to ask: "was it hard?" [duh] She said it was very hard. She had friends encourage her to keep pressing on, to push through to the end... I may try this. Not with painting! No I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm thinking of it from perhaps a blog or poem standpoint. [mostly I feel a prompt to write poems] 100 days -in a row! ...I'm thinking about it. I'm praying about it. I'll let you know [probably whether I like telling you or not, huh? -since you'll pick up on my choice here]
I'm going to post some songs that have been resonating this week on Blipfm. [oh, I'm on there as b'slandscapesofaudio which is "B's Landscapes of Audio"]
now... for something that's been going through my head all day... since I heard the U2 classic "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" on the radio earlier.........

Uncovered
by the call

You surround me
covered
you seduce
my soul
all my fears
uncovered
as my life
unfolds
in the warmth
of your heart
you awake my senses
I was torn
in doubt
loosing all defenses
when you called
me out
i return
to the heart
of a love
eternal
waiting there
for me

"...Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break
Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much You'd already done..."
-sometimes by step by Rich Mullins from The World as Best as I can remember it vol. 2.
if there is nothing new under the sun, then this is the world as best as I can remember it...

the end of the night, when the drummers came back out for sometimes by step, reminded me of a story of a friend seeing Mullins perform "I see You" as the concert ending song. The crowd was so into it that: as the musicians, one by one, left the stage, they kept singing. Then Mullins left, & they kept right on singing that song...out of the auditorium, while picking up their coats... you didn't stop hearing the chorus -even in the parking lot, until you closed your car door... cool,huh.
oh... & the playing buckets, I saw [& met, actually] Rich Mullins play "Screen door" on those old Moose cups from Hardee's, in a similar fashion. makes me think of another Mullins tune... "...& you never know who God is gonna use, a princess or a baby, or maybe even you, & me..."

"...like a desert needs rain, like a town needs a name, I need Your love...
like coming home, & you don't know where you've been, like black coffee, like nicotine, I need Your love..."

[to the tune of "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"...]
....and you're still
what I find
I was looking for
more beautiful
than what I put there
in your place before...

...thank you oh God, for drums... & for the people who play them...
thank you oh God, for songs
...& for the people who write & play them...
thank you oh God,
for being You,
& loving me....
I could write a million poems,
& I'd only be getting started
on how wonderful You are.......

a poem for now...

I mentioned on facebook, that I would write a post on Anthropomorphism. All I can say is I'm working on it. Till then I thought I'd post a poem, since it's been way too long since I have put one up here...

What no one wants
[what everyone needs]

No one
wants to be
the leftover
No one wants the world to know
that they want
to be wanted
no one wants the world to know
that they’ve ever been
“unwantable”
we need to have someone tell us
show us
that we have value
truth is
every time we feel
unvalued
is an eternity
from blogs
to twitter
to facebook
to flickr
to what-ever-is-next
we need people to tell us
that we don’t just take up
space on this planet
I hear it online
on TV
in poems
in stories
in songs
for some that I’ve met,
“hung with”,
had deep conversations with,
the story
is indeed
in your eyes
but the story doesn’t have to be over
it certainly doesn’t have to end there
in the loneliness


it’s a big thing to ask
but my hope
in blogging
writing,
sharing,
photos,
stories,
or whatever else
is that
you don’t feel so alone
or quite so broken
mostly that even if you feel these things
from time to time
that you are not the only one
-like me-
you just think you are sometimes
[& you’re not as alone as you think…]
by B. E. Noll

I don't know if this fits, but I like this song...
If Everyone cared.

To add to the text from the video:
Jamie Tworkowski wanted to keep in touch with & encourage a girl who was addicted to pills, alcohol, & self injury. He wrote her story, & used the title for a myspace page.
not only did she keep in touch... others sent messages thanking him for bringing this into the light.
To Write Love on Her Arms is now a world wide movement. To raise awareness for self injury, depression, & suicide.
...oh, Renee Yohe [the girl] has been sober for about 3 years.