Saturday, January 24, 2015

a random note

So I sit here with about 5 "in the middle of" blog posts, each in a totally different direction.
While I think on things that need to be "caught up on".... impatiently waiting for the To Write Love On Her Arms movie to come... & wrestle with an odd problem. Mick wants me to display 1 of my paintings from the Jackson Pollock "month" at Infused Arts. So what's the problem? I want to display my "purple one" [so named for the background color of it]. Yet, I want to display it in a way that I can hang it from any of it's 4 sides. Partly because I like it for different reasons based on the side it hangs on. This falls squarely under the category: "Only me". I am slowly going through all manner of "strange stuff in random boxes that happen to occupy space in my basement". So this is the reason, well 1 of them anyway, why I am so scattered/ random on twitter, facebook, here. I am determined to get through everything I own. As I slowly make my life less cluttered, stressful, & complicated. So I can concentrate on health, joy, growth, peace, & art. I plan to be not just "more artsy"... to explore the art forms that I am exposed to. So I may actually put my art on display. I'm working on a calendar for 2016. A calendar of my own photos. Which means I'll have to look back over them & pick a few. I've been wanting to do this for a few years now. I just haven't actually done it. So as the year unfolds, I'm hoping to write & publish more poems & photos online. Off line I hope to expand my cooking/ baking adventure. I may even try to paint more. I finally broke down & got new hiking boots, so very worth it. Last weekend I got to go out & hike 9/10ths of the outside path around Rocky Ridge park. Laughing & realizing that I went from: "Gee...I really need to get new hiking boots." to: "Gee... I'm so glad I got new hiking boots." So their test "drive" went extremely well. Guess I'll make this it for now. As I am enjoying all manner of Red Velvet goodies [mini powdered doughnuts, M&M's, cookies] -mmmmm, red velvet deliciousness! Sorry, I'm human. I have my weaknesses....

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Sunday, January 4, 2015

A Winter's Drive

To drive through
the painting
is such a privilege
the frost glistening on the grass
winking like diamonds
as I pass
the sunrise playing
indecisively with the color palate
first in one order
then suddenly reversing
just for fun
the colors waltz
across the sky
I do not wonder why
I simply sit
in my seat & enjoy
the show
as I drive ever onward

by b.e. noll

Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Welcome to a new beginning. A new year. Who knows what will come of this year. Guess it's time to explore it.
As for those resolutions..
Hey, don't be too hard on yourself. Quite a few years ago I decided to try to go a years without buying any new music. Those who know me well know how hard that is for me. I just wanted to try. To prove to myself that I don't worship music, itself. I decided to try new years as an easy to remember date. I did succeed. After about four new years of trying. Talk about bummed. Yet, when I succeeded...I felt so good. A long fought victory. Other times I fought, I prayed, for days on end. desperately for something. For a change to come. You know, those: " this year, please make [blank] happen. - or stop happening." Only to eventually wake up & go "...wait, when did that finally happen? Where was I at?" Crazy. Change isn't often easy. Whether you suddenly have to deal with it having happened. Or if you are trying to instigate the change.
I have a friend who has decided to eliminate wasting time. I'm not sure when, or in what form, I began to really examine my life. To eliminate the wasteful, stressful parts. Talk about one thing leading to another. Who knew obtaining from music would lead to clothing changes, furniture changes... explorations into art. Long, meditative walks/hikes... you never know where a change can lead... even mistakes... can lead you somewhere. You may have needed to go there...more than you know.
Welcome to midnight. Remember though, there's another one in 24 hours. Every 24 hours. There are a lot of chances to start again. Don't give up.
Now.... I gotta kiss my girl!

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

a day, a movie update, & welcoming midnight

Hello all. In the ongoing craziness that is me getting my CDL license, I passed the part of the test I took. [more on that later. For now..... I would like to shamelessly plug a movie. Partly in the secret hope it will play in York.
I believe that I've mentioned the organization 

It began with a story. And has become a movement. A movement of community. Some have seen me use their hashtags [#twloha #peopleneedotherpeople #loveisthemovement] I know I've used others... 
Some have seen my shirts. The "black title" one [with the Donald Miller quote on it]. The @sevenly colab shirt: "La Vie Et Belle", & my brown title shirt. 
They began by helping a girl named Renee. Who I got the pleasure of meeting this year. Along with meeting [several weeks later] Founder [& author of the story] Jamie Tworkowski.
I got a Christmas gift. -ok, well I wasn't the only one who got it. A film was made of Renee's story. 
Of the story behind this wonderful non-profit. I have posted before about the film. Which SONY has picked up, & will be releasing in March of 2015. So... I'm taking a little time before I go off to sleep for the last time this year to promote this film again. Since the new year starts a countdown to the movie.
[here's a link: To Write Love On Her Arms movie
& others: twloha on nbc twloha on cbs ]

The "plan" was to help a friend. How interesting it is that in helping one friend... they would make so many more... As they grew they wanted people to be able to talk about things like depression, self-injury, suicide, addictions, sexual abuse... because we all need to be real with at least one person. We all need people.We need each other. Sometimes it's hard to admit it. It can be hard to trust. Especially when trust has been betrayed. Yet we need others...sometimes to remind us that we matter. To remind us that how our story ends is very important to them. I would love to say more... however, tomorrow will be my longest New Years Eve, & I'm not going to survive it. I'm not going to simply "exist through & beyond it". I'm going to be fully alive in it.
To be fully awake. ...and I'm going to be thinking about Renee.... about Jamie... about TWLOHA.... about new beginnings, new chapters.......
and I'm going to remember their countdown.... an old t-shirt they made last year....
I do believe there are better days ahead. I do believe that there are awesome days to live for. Days that will be better than today. Yeah, there will be days to tolerate. Days where I'll still say: "due to lack of interest, today has been cancelled." However, there will be good days. Days to laugh with friends & family. Days to eat good food, while having good conversations, telling funny old stories. Days to just hang out. Days to take long wonderful hikes through the woods, days to take photos of sunsets & frost, snow & leaves, flowers in the rain...
Here's to those days.
May you have more than your "fair share" of them.

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Anatomy of a Gift [revisited]

I have been told by my mother that people are the eternal treasure. I treasure my family & my friends. My growth group guys, my extended family, my church family...
People... are the only "thing" we can't replace. They are what matters the most.
More than trees...
more than pretty paper....
more than songs....
So..... if people are a gift to our lives. Then... here's the break down for you. A [hopefully wonderful] analogy for you this Christmas.
If a human is a gift to the rest of us, then.....
The clothes, hair color, jewelry, piercings, glasses, makeup, vehicle, house, job.....
that's the wrapping paper.
The body, itself,   the mind, the heart.... are the box.
The soul [intellect, emotions, personality] THAT'S the gift.
the part that makes you
YOU ARE A GIFT TO US. PLEASE don't forget. Among all that you ever read here, please don't forget that ever. we are left with:
The tag.
To me the tag is two sided.
On one side... is the boy in the manger.
To remind us who the gift is from......
& on the other side is the cross......
to remind us...
what the gift is worth.
Jesus is a gift to us. His end all stories. The greatest love story, of all.
He gave us you.
are a gift to us.
So we thank Jesus.... for sharing.
For sharing you...
with us.
Merry Christmas....
& may His grace drip from your fingers,

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Here... now

So..... been quite a while. I don't know what I have to say. I've been working on going through stuff here in the house. I, today, became capable of going online all over the house. An early/ unusual Christmas with my parents. I've had a router. I now have a laptop. [no smartphone yet, one step @ a time I guess.] I'm close to having a CDL driving license. I go for my "behind the wheel" test the last Tues of the year. That has been keeping me from writing... both on & off line. As has a request for a "not necessarily Christmas list". Which, being the person that I am, has been much different than what was thought when the request was made. Though I am close to finishing it, as I have envisioned it to be. Quite an exhaustive/ comprehensive list. It's in a spiral bound book form. Though in all fairness, much of it isn't for sale. It's more goals/ routines/ personal changes than it is a "I want to buy x". If anything I post here or else where looks funny or misspelled, please forgive me as I get used to this laptop. It is fun to be typing this in the basement.
Hopefully in the new year I'll get back to posting more....

As for this Christmas season... I have been much ..."blue-r" than I think I ever have. Which I don't understand. I can't say anything really awful has happened. I just noticed it a while ago. Though as I type a transition has been going on the last few days/ hours away from the blueness. I had a great Sat. Both this one & last one. Last week I made fudge, Chocolate Crinkles, & Sandtarts with my Mother. Most of the day. I didn't think the fudge would be good. We didn't remember how she used to make it. It. got. AMAZING! So thankful [I want to borrow from Renee & say: "thankfuls"] Anyway, I've been putting this laptop "through it's paces" for a few hours now. Listening to music [currently Pentatonix singing cool Christmas tunes]. Walking through the house trying to see if there are any "dead spots" in my wireless. going on facebook, twitter, pinterest, & here. I need a bit of a break. So for now, Have a wonderful Christmas, look forward to the new year. It's another adventure, another chapter in your life. Make it count. 
I don't want to be alive.... I want to be a living, breathing, growing human being.
I want my story to inspire people to continuously grow into better versions of themselves.

The best presets aren't sitting under the tree, they're sitting around it.

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Thursday, October 30, 2014

about a photo & a comment...

"This is my bliss face. I've never seen it before."
You know, it's funny how someone can innocently teach you something just by speaking. [or, in this case typing]
This is my sister-in-law. On her wedding day. I posted this photo on Facebook. The quote is her comment to me on the photo......
You know what? I think that's what I want to do to/for people with my photos. -well, some of them anyway. Show them what they've never seen. I'd like to do that with my portrait photos. Show people... the beauty & joy of themselves. Beauty they might not stop to see. A value in themselves that maybe they haven't believed in.
I've seen Marianne ["Mare" as we call her] go through struggles... maybe that's part of the joy I feel in her comment. That I could capture for her a moment of bliss. A spark of joy. The beginning of a new chapter in her life. Honored that I could be there. Thankful to be able to stand with her family. To be able to stand with Ben's family. To be able to stand with their friends. [they have such cool friends]

Though, my thoughts on this... as they wash over my mind like waves on a beach. Make me realize how selfish I've been. How my own insecurities... punish more than just me. Rob others as much as myself. For so long I haven't "enjoyed myself". To some degree, I've kept others from their ability to enjoy me fully as well. Not that my life has been all painful. It surely hasn't. It surely could be much worse. [& could have been so for a great deal longer] I'm just continually becoming aware of how my brokenness ...the depth of it. the height of it, the insidiousness of it. The limitations it put on my.
Yet I am also becoming aware of how to gently step outside of it. And live. Marianne's comment... so helps in this regard. It's like a nudge or an alarm. Wake up. Keep going. There's so much more to see. So much more to journey to. Even if getting there isn't any of the fun. Arriving will be.
I guess it also reminds me that I've been seeing ...ways to joy in my life. I never realized how alive I could feel... till I began to take more forays into artistic endeavors. Hiking...painting... writing... photography... cooking...baking... I want to eventually break out my guitars & play them again. Just to see where that might also lead. I'm ..."excitedly scared"... or, is that scared excited?
How can you be someone who enjoys being a "wall flower" & end up being the center of attention somewhere?
How do you live as an introvert in an extrovert role?
[can there be such a thing as an extroverted introvert?]
So this is me. Learning to call myself an artist. Learning that being one...might be freeing.......
maybe freeing for more people
than just me....

I've been an only child my whole life....
yet, I find myself with sisters now....
brothers now... [so glad for Ben Krouse. my "new" brother-in-law]
thankful for my brothers from Wed night.
guess..... I'll never be an only child ever again.

May His grace drip from your fingers,