Monday, January 25, 2010

another mistake...

...or mistaken beauty? This was with my Sister-in-law's camera. I didn't realize that just because I pushed the button, does not necessarily mean it took the picture. So I moved the camera, only to see it flash as I did so. ...I kinda like it. [oh, we were setting in line waiting to get into the Rocky Ridge "light show" for Christmas. "are we there yet Uncle Brian?"]

I may post more pictures than anything. I'll be on Prednisone for 10 days. Hated it last time, so I may just let my photos do the talking for a while. Or I may not post, depends on how bad it gets...

There are no mistakes, save one: the failure to learn from a mistake.
- Robert Fripp

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Saturday, January 23, 2010

standing @ morning's gate

At Morning's Gate
Though a rich man's heir, or a pauper's son
Underneath the cross we shall all be one
When the days shall wane, and the season's growing late
We'll stand at morning's gate

At the potters wheel, in the sculptors hand
We are being shaped for a better land
Where the winters chill, is the summers warming sun
and Life has just begun

Through a veil of tears, we have run the course
Thirsting for the well, of the purest source
Not the bitter taste, of the ground in which we're laid
For all have been re-made
[by Proto-Kaw, from the disc "The Wait of Glory"]

This was what I saw on that Sat. morning at the outer banks. I woke unusually early, quietly stole my way through the room, so as not to wake my wife. Down the stairs, to the end of the blacktop. Through a small path between a mound of sand, to stand on the beach & witness this. Moments like these, standing on the beach alone, on a Sat. morning. The sky, a "love note from God". Unfolding upon me. The perfume of the ocean, it's waves singing their massive song. The fingers of the sun, curling around the clouds as it yawns another dawn upon me. This is the reason I go into nature, alone. I need moments like these. Moments like this one are worshipful, awe inspiring, & soul recharging.
It reminds me of a saying I saw once:
Make time for quite moments. For God whispers, & the world is loud.

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

judging...or not

I'm not big on condemning people. I guess it would be ok under the high school train of thought: "takes one to know one". I don't know anyone else's heart. [I'm not really that good with my own] Who am I to condemn someone else? When did God give me the job? WHY?!?! God knows me too well, & is WAY too smart to give me the job. "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth?" -God [to Job]. I, personally, think of that question as if He posed it to me. "Brian, did I come to you for advice on how to shape the Earth? Is Florida ok, or should it be wider?" No, I don't like what Robertson said. Condemning Robertson isn't really that different than him condemning anyone else... is it? Isn't it still: me playing God? Isn't that still wrong [not to mention frightening?]
I've been asked about "the Pat Robertson thing". I think I'll quote a few musicians, myself.

[by U2]
"we're one, but we're not the same, well we hurt each other, then we do it again, You say 'love is a temple, love the higher law' ask me to enter, & then you make me crawl, but I can't keep holdin' on, to what you've got, when all you've got is hurt, one love, one blood, one life, you've got to do what you should, one life, with each other, sisters, brothers, one life but we're not the same we get to carry each other, carry each other, one..."

"When we find fault in others, we find fault in ourselves." - Robert Fripp

mercy triumphs over justice -written on the arm of Lacy [the singer for Flyleaf]

"...on our knees with open arms, we worship in one spirit. ...make us one..."
- Neal Morse [to me this part of the last song on ONE, is like a prayer.]

"do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you too will be judged, & with the measure you use." - Jesus [ouch] Matthew 7:1&2 [I also like this in The Message. You can look it up online @:]

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Um… I’ve been trying to write something to say, but everything so far feels flat. I’m good. Today is a wonderful day outside. Feels a bit like a spring thaw. More later.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

News of Mother

[not taken this evening...]

ok... I'm really not altogether anywhere. Mom is home now. Mick is talking to me [my wife] in the background, as I listen to Camel's "The Snow Goose" [deluxe ed.] & think of how nice it was that P. Brian [Rice of Leadership Connexions] to stop in to see her. Even though "there was a line" ..."now serving # 487". Thanks Brian, seriously. My day is officially crazy, I feel like I'm talking to myself...[lol].

Well, my mom has an irregular heartbeat. Yep, that's all. They gave many tests. Dad couldn't even talk to her till 10:30! Mick & I had just left to go into the hospital, were cresting the hill, & Dad called me. "Did you get my sandwich yet?" "ahh, no" "Good, they're releasing her now." THAT was about 17:25. 19:12 she finally arrived home. [no, the hospital isn't that far away & Dad didn't bring her home by bobsled.] These things take time. Rome wasn't built in a day [but did it take this long?]. Yeah, I'm tired. And: tired= sarcastic. God was there to greet me morning & night... painting the sky for me. The last few days the sky has been breath taking. The pinkish reds set gingerly on a deep blue this morning. The rolls of reddish pink on a blue gray "goose down sky" to borrow from Over The Rhine.

Well... if I don't get off soon, I'll forget to spell check, & you won't be able to read the rest.
I'll try, again for another poem soon...

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

slight info/ prayer request/ & thoughts on prayer

Well... today didn't end the way it was "planned to". My boss came to me at around 12-1 pm & said "Your dad isn't coming back to work today, he took your mom to the hospital." I think it was the hardest thing for him to come & tell me. I knew not to be too frieghtened because he didn't tell Jay, to tell me, to come immediately. Unfortunately, the only info I have at this time is: it's "heart related". A test tonight [23:00 hrs.], & one tomorrow, between am & noon, should give us some insight as to: what is wrong/ how to proceed from here. I saw her & she is "Mother". Glad to see me, talkative, alert, able to tell the Dr. about the onset of symptoms, et al. And [thanks to morphine] she was not in pain. Ok, I haven't talked about my parents much. That's because I'm more blessed in this area than most. And I simply don't want to rub it in anyone's face. [I may explain more at a later date]. As I write this I'm hoping I'll have more info in 24hrs. [I may not know anything more than I know now]

So, the obvious prayer request [that many from LW probably already have received] is to pray. Pray for the Dr.'s performing the tests. That we find out what happened. That we find out what to do now. That all who are effected will seek God, find out what He wants to say to us through this. That we go to Him, just to be with Him, so He can "hang with us". No one else can "be there for us" like he can.

Rob Bell has said [you can see a picture of it in "Drops Like Stars"] that his therapist shows him a sign, when things don't make sense. It reads: "THE GOD WHO WASTES NOTHING".

I got a call tonight, after returning home, & settling into my couch for some NCIS:LA. I "snapped" to attention, & grabbed it like it shot at me or something. Open it & answer like a soldier, "hello" I say flatly. waiting for instructions of things Mom or Dad need. I let out a sigh of relief that it's someone inquiring about Mom's status [not a "need ya" call]. I restate the things I know. Powerless to change them. And I say... the same phrase I kinda hate to hear myself. "All you can really do is pray". Why do we say it that way? Why do we look at it that way? All you can really do is speak to the one who spoke the universe into existence. All you can do is talk to the one being I cannot get away from. The one being who can [if anyone can] be with me the whole time, without annoying me to death. The one who knows "why?", "why now?", "Why this??". He may tell me these answers... perhaps not.
I was once asked [unrelated incident]: "Are you mad at God?" "no...I know Him too well to be mad at Him. But not well enough to know what He's doing".
Prayer is more powerful than we think. It is doing something. Something very important. But, we say, I am not doing anything. By speaking to someone. Saying you'll be praying for them. You validate their struggle. You validate that what they are going through is hard, & there may not be easy answers. You tell them "you are not alone". And then you speak to THE most comforting person who has ever existed, & ask Him to comfort the person struggling. This is hardly nothing.
Good night.

May His grace drip from your fingers,
P.S. thanks for the prayers, they are already felt.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Splintered Rainbow

The splintered rainbow

I walk upon the snow

The crunch of my feet on fallen leaves
And “some-what” fresh fallen snow
The snow it glints to me
Winking in colors
Shifting splinters of a deconstructed rainbow
Your presence
Filling the space between me
And every living & dead thing
On this frozen path
…yet, more than mere magic
Divine, breath taking
Soul stirring
I smile
In childlike glee
I go from 38
To 3 in the blink of an eye
Small, compared to you
And glad to be
Your presence
Now wrapping around me
Like a blanket
I press the capture button
In feeble belief
That I can borrow more than these images
That I can borrow this makeshift
Momentary temple
To share with others
Sadly, they must search for you themselves
For this moment is for us
And so I pray
That they will have their own

By Brian Eugene Noll

[ok, I tried something different. Don't know if I like it. By the way, if you click on the snow pictures you'll see the "splintering" I wrote about. It creates a rainbow dots look here, if only you could have seen it the way I saw it!]

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Thoughts on New Years

Well, I sat on this for a while, but I think I'm ok with it...

So… new years. I don’t even know where to begin. I haven’t done resolutions for a long time. I used to say that my resolution was to not make resolutions anymore.
Why don’t I like them, you ask? Well:

#1. They tend to last from 72 hours to 1 week, then BAM, I slip up. Feel like crap for longer than it lasted. And stop trying to do/not do what-ever-it-was for the rest of the year.

#2. Do I actually have to wait till new years to change something? That seems a bit lame for my tastes.

The closest I come to this yearly practice, is:

Oct. think: what do I see that I wish was different? What would I like to add or subtract from my life? Why? Is it to prove something? To whom? [if it passes this test…]

Nov. begin a “how will I implement this” platform. What will it look like? [if subtracting] what will I replace this with? [freeing up time only matters if you use that time for something of redeeming value]

Is this a thing I can “just wake up & do?”? if not, what stage should I start with now? Will that stage take: a week? a month? a year? –you know map it out.

Then sometime between Dec. 1st & Dec 20th begin the journey [as though it were New Year’s already]. Why? Well, this gives me the chance to have a few “false starts” before the year begins “in earnest”. Also, …I find, the more difficult plan is, the more worthwhile it will be when I finally succeed.

After all, we don’t write movies/books/name buildings after/celebrate birthdays of people who did what was easy. We don’t remember people who played it safe. We stand up & cheer for those who stared up at the impossible… & did it anyway. Those of you who read the Bible, this book is littered with stories of the impossible. A kid beheads a giant, in front of his own nation’s army. Another kid, sold into slavery, keeps his family, & an entire region, from starving through a 7 year famine. A man from a nowhere town, who never did a single thing wrong in his life…dies for a world full of people who can’t ever seem to get it right [at least, not without his help, anyway]. The Bible is the most beautifully absurd love story –ever. Basically, if God owned a business, the slogan would be “where the impossible, is just another day at the office.”

May His grace drip from your fingers,

Friday, January 1, 2010

a quick poem

a feeble attempt at a "quick poem"

Beginning... beginning again.
[or starting all over, from the middle]

to take down the tree
as I'm beginning a new year
the beginning of a brand new day
the first one of this month
of this year
retracing steps
rethinking steps already taken
rehashing ideas
rethinking plans
should I?
I'd like to...
it would be so nice to...
uh, never again
I'm constantly beginning
and beginning again
this train of life
going around an unexpected bend
"where does this go?"
do I want to know?
should I, though?
as this new year unfolds
I just don't do
plans seem to ensue
I resolve
to never let the dream
of my "true life"

By Brian Eugene Noll
[written hastily in the early moments of New Years Day]

Hope you had a good evening
Hope this year is way better than last