Wednesday, January 13, 2016

I know I'm silent right now... [a poem] by b.e. noll

[this is a "stream of consciousness" poem. spawned by an email...
& a video by Sierra DeMulder + Tonya Ingram for TWLOHA]

I know I'm silent right now
the inbox
shows only old conversations
said in a million yesterdays
know this
I am still here
even though my facebook feed
dries up
I check my inbox
and it reads you have
with some strange number next to it
from facebook
a plea
from somewhere in cyberspace
saying please reach for me
when my twitter feed
seems all tweeted out
when my pinterest
holds no new interest
when the pins are dusty
and my keyboard seems rusty
you may want me to speak
and I'm silent
and you think
"must he?"
keeping you in suspense
please don't be too tense
really am
a "work in progress"
it is that I just
'wall myself off"
from people
afraid my junk
is far too much for them
that I am not worthy
of your worry
even though
we both know that is a lie
we both know
that that is a lie
thank you
for living out
the fact
that I am worth knowing
worth sharing the darkness
it's strange
to think my hell
could be the path
to your heaven
that somehow
what I lived through
could help you
live through
your own
it's scary
a good kind of scary
perhaps a necessary kind
yet still not the easy kind
it's hard to let go
of the bad habit
of keeping your hell to yourself
I must try
I must push through
the only thing better than surviving my hell
better than breaking out of my own hell
is seeing you
break free too
so I know I'm silent right now
all it is
is silence
not death
not the end
not the end of me
not even close
I'm still here
still breathing
still living
still fighting
for a better tomorrow
one day
a better day
May His grace drip from your fingers,