Sunday, November 30, 2008

"post Op"

So, it’s been about six days since my surgery. Tues. went fairly well. I’m told the surgery was a complete success. The only glitch I had, was waking up in recovery. I’m not one to like waking up somewhere different than where I fell asleep. I kind of have to “take a mental inventory” of my surroundings. I knew [& planned for the fact] that I would go to sleep in one room/ area, & then wake up hours later somewhere else. It still threw me. So there was a nervous few moments, between me & the nursing staff. They kept pushing my arms down, which lent to a feeling of being restrained. [which I abhor] Unfortunately, this made me want out of there more than just the fact that I was uncertain as to how many people were standing around me. Part of me kept searching for a familiar face [Mick, Kevin, Dave, Mom or Dad, one of my other friends at LW…] Since I didn’t see any of them, I was really debating grabbing someone, you know the ol’ action movie line: “release me” [“…& no one will get hurt.”] After a few moments “Julie”, a nurse there, came over to me slowly & said “Are you claustrophobic?” No, not really. I said [not really convincing either of us]. “…just… too many people in here.” [I cannot keep track of them all. Some touching me lightly. –I’d rather be grabbed by a handful of razor blades]. Upon saying this, however, many of them exited. [all the ones who left larger/ thicker shadows] One nurse kept walking past the room I was in. I made clear that “I’m watching you as well" Thankfully, that was the only real glitch, though. Julie kept asking me how I was. Asking if I was comfortable. “Better now?” “Yeah, now that there are fewer people around.” So besides that things went fairly well.

I felt immediate results from the surgery. I feel like I have “more room” in my head. And, for the most part, less stress/ pain in there. Now I do have pain, even now yet, but it doesn’t last as long. I’ve had trouble sleeping [mostly Wed. night to Thurs.]. Thurs. was rather rough. I was breathing & eating from the same place. Ever hold your breath while eating? Yeah, this should be an Olympic sport. I’ve had this during allergy seasons before, but it’s been a while. So, Thanksgiving was a bit hard. But fun. My crazy, wonderful Dad came over. Picked me up, took me to his place, & we ate Turkey & homemade stuffing, had pumpkin roll, cranberry sauce, et al. Then took me home right after. As it took a lot just to eat & breathe. And I not long ago had wonderful “Leftover Casserole” & Hamloaf [earlier today, actually. Tres Manifique].

Sadly, I didn’t get to see my cousins. They’re home from France & it’s still hard to get to see them. My cousins [Julie & Etienne Cavalero] have a little girl, Gabriella [“Gabby”]. This would have been my first chance to see her. I’m kind of in a phase that my niece said quite well while visiting her Grandpa in the hospital a few weeks ago. [That would be Mick’s Dad, for appendix] “I don’t like this. I want it to be over now.” Yeah, that about covers it. I’m with you Payton.

Long about Thurs. to Fri. & most of yesterday, my right eye hurt when I moved it. This seems to be gone now. I also no longer have gauze under my nose. So I don’t really look any different, now. Nor do I look like I had anything done. I’m still not ready to drive. I’m not quite “all there” just yet. I’m hoping to be better before Tues. I have an appointment on Tues. [& gg on Wed.]. It was really awkward to let my friend Jared take my trash to the curb for me, tonight. I’m not allowed to lift till Tues. Tues. [for the next week, 7 days] I’m only allowed to lift about 18 lbs. Ugh. I loath asking for help/ needing help [or feeling helpless/ powerless].

Well, I need to stop for now. [headache] So I’ll post more later…

Currently listening to:

[my “if I owned a radio station” playlist]

“Your pitiful” by “Weird Al” Yankovic

[into every life, a little Weird Al must fall]

[for the curious…]

“Leftover Casserole”

Is, quite simply, made by taking a casserole dish & put:

pieces of turkey all over the bottom

pour on gravy [cover turkey pieces]

put filling on the top

cook/ reheat


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Christmas list, is my list for Thursday

Dearest Lord Jesus,
Thank You for always giving me the very best gifts....
Mick, Mom, Dad, Kevin, deAnn & Dave, Jared & Becky, Gordon, Connie & Greg, Heather & Matt, Joe, Donnie & Heidi, Brian & Becky....

Your love is too much for me.
Thank You, for being with me
for painting the sky on my way home
to keep my mind off of things
for the divine way that I ended up borrowing Dad's iPod I wouldn't miss mine so much
thank you for songs
thank you for the song of my wife
my mother &
my Earthly father's voice
Thank you for the prayers offered up for me today
they fill my house
like the smell of traditional foods
that would be cooking/ baking
in my mother's house on Thanksgiving
Thank you
that I am not alone
you are here
You Jesus, Mick, The thoughts & prayers of many
and Your Great mighty, holy, gracious, & gentle Spirit
which wraps me
in a robe
a robe so close
that it it cannot be seen
because it is under my skin
around my soul

Thank You Father,
for giving Jesus to me...
for forgiving me,
for what I did to him...
for bringing him back to life...
and, thus sharing with me
Your escape route.
thanks for hearing my cries
that there is something wrong with this place
and telling me
That it had a beginning....
"everything that has a beginning
has an end".
Thank You
for not having
a beginning...

Dearest Spirit of the all powerful One,
Thank You that
when I cannot find the words
to say to the Master....
it is because they are in a language that I am incapable of speaking
a secret language
between You & Him
please whisper
in His ear
what my fingers & tongue cannot say
please tell Him
what He already knows
tell Him for me
Kiss each other for me

Your child

[do please help me sleep...
in Your arms, Thanks Dad, for everything...]

Sunday, November 23, 2008

last post for a while

This'll be it for a while. I've been trying to get ready for surgery. My friend deAnn posted a macro of snow [not realizing that I was going to ask her & Kevin if they could do that for me. since I don't have a camera that will let me do such things.]. I was not prepared for what I saw. It's so cool. And I LOVE snow. I love to drive in it [well, as long as I'm not on a "time crunch"]. I love to shovel it. I love the tranquility of the snow. The sound of it falling. The way it quiets everything. I think I've mentioned [either here or else where] that only God can change a landscape by adding just one color. To see the pic. click here: vertical creativity. I'm going to end with something I wrote while looking at this picture...

Touchable grace

Snow is touchable grace

It falls

All over the place

Changing the drab usual world

Into a seemingly magical wonderland

It is a temporary glimpse

Into Jesus’ words

“behold, I make all things new”

For snow

Renders objects


Even when you finally know

What it is

Underneath all that “white stuff”

You find yourself thinking


Snow makes us

Change our plans

Drive differently


Makes us

Look out the window more


And marvel

At the beauty of nature



Makes me think

Of grace


Changes everything

You find it

In the weirdest places

You find it in dingy

Imperfect places

But grace never gets marred by it’s surroundings

And grace

Always transforms

What it “lands” on

It always makes things better

It is survival

For the “unfit”

It makes it fit


Like snow

Is a reason to get up

In the morning

Throw open the curtains


“check out” a brand new day

It’s a reason

To explore

It’s a reason

To “borrow images”

[it’s a reason

To lend images]

Grace gives the courage

To be creative

Grace gives a reason

To share what’s created



What is created


Speeds healing

Grace helps us

To see white


As snow.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

an update [sorta]

first, forgive misspelled words/ forgotten punctuation/ or any other anomalies.
I'm typing with one hand. [for those that have known me for a long time: no. the other hand is not missing/ broken/ or sliced open. my sinuses are dripping -leaky faucet all the way. so, tissue to nose -one hand, and "hunt and peck", the other. i am seven shades of happy...yes, add heavy sarcasm]

i went for round 3 of head CT's. now, this time, they gave me the films and a disc! so i can scroll through my own head @ home. [why is it that as i look at this post, it looks like a ransom note??]
as i look at it and extrapolate from what i was told by the ent, it looks like surgery will be inevitable. but i am still praying that i won't have to go through that. and beginning to pray that mick is doing better by then. also beginning to pray for the details if surgery happens.
1st, that they won't have to cut me open.
2nd, that i can go back to work asap. [as i have no vac. time. new jobs tend to have that down side.]
3rd, that mom will be able to take me and bring me home. [or Kevin. who shocked me by mentioning that he might be able to take me if i need him to. i'm very thankful for my church family. who are amazing beyond words.]
4th, is a tricky/painfully honest one. despite this post....
i'm not one to do things like this. tell people that i'm "not well". or ask for help. were you to know my complete story, it would be heartbreakingly obvious why this is. it would be understandable... -not ok, but understandable. i'm trying to "break out" of this practice.

the blog is "bought as is"... how-some-ever, while i am bought -by Jesus, exactly as i am. "warts 'n all"... he loves me as i am... but too much to just leave me here. busted and sharp edged. a "ghost peep" along the side of the road, that no one wants. no. as P. Steve said a few weeks ago. Jesus has come to make all things new. all things... not just some. welcome to one angle, of my all things.

well, i'm off. to quickly update a few people who probably don't read this...
this is a sort of re production of the drawing i did about psalm 147:3
[it's supposed to be a band aide.]
the pic at the top of this post is a photo of my toolbox from my days at york label.
yes, i like phish. is that good or bad?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Election post I... "have to write"

So, I have to write an election post, huh?

Ok... you asked for it.

I voted.

Yes, God is sovereign.
I voted for president of a country.
I still follow the maker of the universe.
Someone said to me today [after I voted] "if Obama becomes president we need to pray for our country."
Was there a time we were supposed to stop?
is it not written: "...pray without ceasing..."?
Obama himself said: "God bless America".
which is nice...
but what about: God teach America. God heal America. [why stop within our borders?]
Yeah, we need alternative fuels... we need alternative thoughts, too.
To rely less on foreign oil, & to rely less on just domestic currency.

I, myself, watching Biden step out to stand beside Obama, faintly heard -yet again- Martin Luther King... "I have a dream today..."
I think if King were here, he would be smiling. [I think he has better things to occupy his time...]
I am a bit of a cynic. I want to see him move us out of this crisis. It is one thing to promise stuff... & quite another to begin the process of delivering on those promises. I'm glad so many of us voted. I'm sorry that I haven't always. I have enjoyed making fun of the "broken records". [I'll end this post with a different slant on that joking]
I'm glad there is a clear winner, & not a "return of the son of the recount" as was the case last time out.
Glad that the only ones talking about "dimpled Chad's" are grandmothers.

Well, I need to get some sleep. My latest Head CT is just hours away. I'm a week from knowing if I need surgery. [so: "stay tuned to this station for further reports"]
And I can begin, again, to pray for a named president. President Obama. To pray for an imperfect man, running an imperfect country, in an imperfect universe.

Thankful that imperfection... [as of a Friday long ago] is on the endangered species list.

I'm Brian Noll...
...& I wrote this message.
[this message was not paid for by anyone, who would spend money on this?]