Friday, July 19, 2013

Kirk Cameron has a new film project coming out that speaks to something that I have steadily been more interested in. People often wonder where God is when bad things happen. The greatest question to come from this line of thought is:
"If God is all powerful, able to do anything... if God can stop evil... then why doesn't He?" Why DOES He allow evil to "win the day"? Mr. Cameron will take us on a journey to try to answer this. I am hoping that Vimeo won't take the trailer down. Here it is...[for now @ least].

I do not know why Facebook [& Youtube] took it down, nor am I trying to argue with them in any way.
Thank you.
b.e. noll

Monday, July 8, 2013

on loss...

My Uncle died last week. He was one of 7 uncles that I have on my father's side of the family. We have been very fortunate to have him as long as we have. He had a bad heart... on July 2nd, it gave out.

For me [sigh], this begins a recap, or a recount, of all those who have been lost. Grandmas, Grandpas, nephews, a cousin [at 17, sadly], even a musician I really enjoyed. Since it's no secret that I enjoy music, it's songs that "come & visit" during this time. They make me cry. Tears... are not the enemy we make them out to be. Nor are they an indicator of how tough you are [or aren't]. I make time to go off by myself & walk in nature. I need this whether I'm: mad, sad, or glad... & I'm usually one of those. I do it because it is the physical expression of a song that closed LW's Sunday service.
[Paul Baloche - Just to be with you]
To clarify, I don't always "feel" Him when I go there [into the woods]. Most times I do, not always. And sometimes that's frustrating, other times it's frightening. When I do feel Him with me, it's different every time. Like spending time with a friend, my wife, or other human relationship. Sometimes I need to vent. Sometimes I need to "just shut up" [-sometimes I even realize I need to be quiet]. If I'm there long enough, I can usually untie all the knotted thoughts swirling round inside. I become calm. There will be times when it won't work. I'm glad it usually does, though.

The strange thing for me, at viewings & funerals, is how the person looks to me. They look good, don't get me wrong. They just... look like a 3D photo of someone I knew. Like driving by a house you used to live in. You remember living there. Yet you are extremely aware of the fact that you don't anymore. Someone I love, lived in that body... it just doesn't seem like they live in there anymore. I say good-bye, as though they are in the room. Yet, I always add "see you soon". Sometimes even saying: "...sooner to you than to me, I'm afraid." This world...this land... is the land of good-byes, but one day... I will live in a land, where good-bye is obsolete. I dream... that there are 3 tombstones there. "Here lies... death, sin, time. one misses you." And a celebration is going on, a few feet away...
so... here are some songs.
[begun when my cousin died]
Merciful Eyes - The Choir
Blue Skies - The Choir
Restore my soul - The Choir
[actually most of the Circle Slide disc]
[when the twins died]
Into the West - Annie Lennox
With the Tired Eyes of Faith - The Swirling Eddies
Somewhere down the Road - Amy Grant
[when Grandma & "Pappy" died]
U2 - Where the streets have no name
U2 - One Tree Hill
 "...I'll see you again, when the stars fall from the sky, & the moon, has turned red, over one tree hill..."

I was writing to my cousin & it reminded me of poetry. So I thought I'd try a poem to "go along with this".

what is there to say?
No words seem to really work
do they?
I wish…
a thousand different things
in a thousand different directions
but none of them matter
While my presence would be nice
it too, isn’t really the point
not always

It’s that I exist
isn’t it?
at least
that’s how I feel
how I’ve felt
@ LW
they aren’t perfect
and… as long as Jesus hasn’t returned
they won’t be
they pray.
it makes a difference.
even when I cannot hear them praying
it still makes a difference
even though it’s hard
[harder to watch a sadness
in another’s life
than to experience it yourself]
especially with a death,
it isn’t what you do
it’s that you are
that you
just keep
strange as it may seem
…doesn’t it?

b.e. noll