Thursday, September 19, 2013


I really do not understand you. I know this shocks neither of us. These days I sit & write my own story, just to stare at as much of it as I can at a time. To find a healthy way to cut somethings out of me. So I use pen, & paper. As I do this, as I find relief...
It seems that many around me are suffering. One with depression. One with childhood sexual abuse, as if that were not enough, she self-injures. One is dealing with the end of a marriage. One who's lost a child. And with this last one, Jesu, I am swept back to the wall of grace, when I walked into that sad hospital wing. When my life, gained a memory of words in your book: "The peace that passes all understanding." To sitting in my living room, with Mare, as I got to say what Mom always said: "cry, honey, just cry & let it out. let go & let it out. It's ok." as Mare & I held each other & cried. Thank you that you know how to give a great eloquent speech, without ever saying a word. Thank you that while you may not wave a magic wand, & fix every broken thing in my life, just because I ask you to... you show up. And you stay. Like no one else I've ever known, you know how to fill a room, with just you. Thank you that I can be as painfully, & brutally honest as my mind, heart, & lips can stand. It doesn't phase you. You get it. You get me. I could write about you forever.
Please be with these friends. In their various stages of struggle. Their very personal "dark night of the soul". Bring them to a deeper place with you. May Your presence, & your word, "be a light unto them in dark places, when all other lights ...go out." Please hold them tonight, please heal them tonight. Would you please create for them, what you have for me in my similarly dark moments.
Thank you that as long as there is you, Yahweh, when our hearts break... they do not make a noise, because you hear them.

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