Tuesday, September 10, 2013


Well... today is World Suicide Prevention Day. To Write Love on Her Arms has been posting of this. They will all week. They began by trying to help one girl realize that in spite of what has happened to her, she is valuable. Now they are trying to tell everyone that their story matters. My story... your story... our stories. It dove tails with the way my Mother is about all people. Every person matters.
Some things try to rob us, rape us [if I may use strong language] of our value. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional... abandonment. "If this can happen to me", we think, "than it must mean I have no value". WRONG. What happens to us does not define us. It is not "our story" in, or of itself. Part of our story yes, not the theme though.
As I have shared with a few people about the "darker pages" of my own story. If these pages were not there... would I be the me you know? Probably not. Does that mean I like those pages? definitely not. I keep going back... to all the times I've heard people tell their own stories, the sad, heart wrenching ones. They cry as they tell them, we cry...as we hear them. However, we cheer when we see the redemption of their story. When we remember that they are somebody. You have no idea how many talented, beautiful people I know who have at one point or another, contemplated suicide. Or actually tried to go through with it. Don't let darkness... be the end of your story...do not let it win. Rebel against it. Live. forgive my bluntness... the only person not worth anything is the person God didn't make. Let me know if you find one...42 years, I haven't found one yet. I've been a good many places.
A good clip from Person of Interest.

it seems
the only thing to do
is end the story
when you hate being the main character
we don't like to watch stories
that just have sadness in them
we love stories
in spite of the darkness in them
the main character
rises up
to face
the scary plot
we believe
that if they
can over come
we might too
what if
those characters?
in spite of
perhaps because of
those darknesses
we stood our ground
what if we
bring the flashlights
what if our story
can be the courage
for someone else
to face down their own hell
& leave it
only to turn around
share it
in the right moment
with the right person
to inspire them
to do the same
b.e. noll

truthfully, I myself have wasted far too many days of my life wanting to die. Seems strange to write that now, it's like looking for a stranger with my face. Stranger still, before my worst bouts of it, I thought I might die at the hands of another. And I had the audacity to fight back. Even though he had already shot me. What a strange tale my story is.... now I know someone I desperately want to help get "away from the edge". This person is why I share what I do. Hoping against all hope, that God may use my story yet. I pray, I pray my but off. And I wait...I wait for their story to resolve. I will not stop, until it does.
May His grace drip from your fingers,

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