Saturday, March 1, 2014

part journal entry, part poem to the inner critic

So this didn't turn out the way I expected. [I never really do what I expect. And even if I do, it doesn't turn out the way I think it will. Yep, welcome to being human. We knew you'd come.]
I did have a nice day today. My Babe & I hung out. Saw SON OF GOD together, with some friends [brothers & sisters] from LW. I liked it. I think I want to blog about some of it. Though it will be a bit different than anything I would have tried before on lent. Which requires more than a little bit of bravery on my part. We'll see.
Today I wanted to post more on self-injury. I just don't like what I've written. It's missing something...not sure what, I just know my writing does NOT have it. So somehow, after taking a walk this morning I wrote a poem [poem-ish thing] that is a bit unusual. So I think I'll post it. And maybe link to a few things on self-injury.
[a warning on the poem... I didn't really have my "filter" on. So, yes, there is sarcasm in here. You might not be used to me writing/ speaking this way. Wrote this listening to Bearcat.]

dear inner voice [inner critic]
I've decided to be like you today.
I'm not going to ask to talk to you
or wait for the "right time" for you
or even ask if you want to hear what I say
if it offends you
         -then I'm saying it right.
you seem to want perfection
pick a different universe
[this one's not for you.
and the biggest thing wrong with me
        -is you]
you tell me everything about me is wrong
I don't recall asking for your opinion
You don't need to repeat yourself
I heard you the first 1,000 times
let's switch places for a sec
I don't like your attitude
I don't like the way you form sentences
your in my head
so no, you don't need to talk that loud
I'm     right     here
your a bully
know how I know?
you create 1 or 2 clever sentences
and then say them to death
and YOU think I'M boring? [/annoying/1 dimensional]
you act like you are the greatest intellect you have ever met
you should get out more.
this is me
wanting a divorce
you can keep your attitude & self rightiousness
you don't have room
for me AND your ego
that's ok
I'll go
I'll even go quietly
[everyone knows I do stealth amazingly well]
I also know your friends
hate my friends
[so you & your friends
and me & my friends agree on something, wonderful]
take your friends with you
I'll help you pack
I don't mind
A  N  D
I'm going to help others
send your friends packing, too
if misery loves company
you & your friends will be in heaven
in closing
"don't let the door hit you, where the good Lord split you"
miss you... like a cold sore
"have a NICE day"
[just, please, do it somewhere else]

[& now I hear "Already Gone" by The Eagles in my head.]

Ok. So I have held onto one last trailer for the movie: "Day One" Here it is. a "Behind the Scenes" one.
Day One is also about To Write Love On Her Arms. I haven't quite found "my way" of telling you about them. You can check out their website though. They are really cool. What community is all about.

and, as I am a music lover, I thought instead of doing what I first thought of for today. I thought I'd do a more... I don't know, you'll get it....
JJ Heller - Control
Krystal Meyers - Beauty of Grace
Carrie Underwood - Wasted
Dream Theater - Hollow Years
King's X - Dream in My Life
Lee Ann Womack - I hope you dance
JJ Heller - Loved

Hope you had a great day. And, whether it snows bad or not, have a great one tomorrow also.
May His grace drip from your fingers,

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