Monday, April 21, 2014

thankful for...Mick [& a bit of my love life before her] a rambling

Hi. I am really sucking at this whole thing I had kind of planned for this month. Now we are at the end of it. I might just "stay sloppy" & let the idea spill into May. I have a busy week. Drive to Delaware again Wed. Which will be relaxing. To add to the "hike-apalooza" of Fri & Sat. [I so need to empty my camera cards for those 2 days.] I also hope to post some more photos & poems here. I've been wanting to pick up my guitar again. Just to fool around, & get re-acquainted with it. I have junk to go through & kick out of this place.  It's just time.

As for my continuing thank you notes, I'm thankful for Mick. We do have some special times. Like realizing we had the evening all to ourselves last night. Didn't do anything major. [I mentioned the Mandela movie] We drove around & got mini red velvet cakes. Marriage is a cure all... till you in one. Afterward, it is an element of your story. Which means that it has everything your story has. Everything life has. Sadness, joy, laughter, seriousness, fights [sometimes with each other, sometimes FOR each other]. Moments when you feel like "why did I DO this?" For me, moments of "I never intended to punish anyone this much ever." We have both got our share of "Wow, you REALLY screwed up." Followed by "Wow, I REALLY screwed up."
After all: "two imperfect people, living together in an imperfect universe. What could POSSIBLY go wrong? -only everything."
I'm glad we have weathered all that we have. I'm glad we can still smile at each other. Get lost in the moment together. There are romantic moments [not as often as one would think or perhaps want], yet they are not "lonely". As mentioned above. I'm still glad for her, she's still glad for me for some reason. Which I guess all of these words are the reason I like Paramore's Still Into You. Why I understand Plumb's Say Your Name, At Arm's length.
So anyway. Still glad there's an "us". Glad we are growing. Growing toward each other. Nope. Easy isn't in there. Never is. No relationship is without it's fair share of bruises. WE want to escape that. We will... just not here. Not the way things are.
Mick has issues.
And I joke, "I don't have issues. I have a subscription." Yeah, I'm a mess. Though...not always. Sometimes this mess is funny. Sometimes, not so much. Sometimes I just don't see the light. Sometimes I run from it. And sometimes I can't out run it. [and that's beautiful]
We always come back to us.
It's not sweet enough to be a love song. Not a bad enough train wreck to be a break up song.
We're just us.
I'm glad there's an us.
I look back & realize I pity every girl I ever dated. [yep, that means even Mickey]
Though Mick not as much. Cause I'm doing better at this.
[I should for crying out loud. I had a good enough example. The best, really.]
None of this is to "feel bad for me". Just to share that I'm human, too.

And I remember being single. Wanting to be married. Though not bad enough to just marry someone who's breathing.
I remember being set up with/ asked about every girl I spoke to for more than 5 seconds. People could not stand for me to be single.
"Is SHE your girlfriend?"
"ya know, 'if you have to ask'..." or
"TRUST me. When I have a girlfriend, I'll make a public service announcement."
"I get to pick the girl I'm marrying, right? -just checking."
Seriously, They'd have me married with 2.5 kids. [in 12.5 seconds. White picket fence-I don't want to paint that every year!]
Just a tip, nothing is worse than being set up with every girl that still has a pulse & walks past you. NOTHING. A single person KNOWS they are single. They haven't forgotten. They don't need a reminder. We need to love people where they are. Not where we create them to be. It is tough, most worth while things are. [oh, & for girls, all you do is switch a word. K?]
Anyway. I never really loved a girl till there was Mick.
So... even though she'll never read this, a last song.
a Paramore song.
cause it was nice to think of who I might date. Yet, there's only one girl for me. I honestly never thought I'd find her [let alone have her become interested in me]. I thought I'd be alone. Forever. I eventually gave up. I began to see it as something that wasn't for me. Romantic love was for other people. I'd never have that. I'd never fall that far "in love". So I began to "dust myself off" & go on. No love for me...
But Mick became
The Only Exception.

May His grace drip from your fingers,

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