Tuesday, January 14, 2014

[I'd love to title this, however, not sure exactly what would sum this up]

Hello all. I have to laugh at myself. A young woman from church has added me to her "circle"... this would be great... if one could believe that I understood what this means OUTSIDE of geometry class. Which, alas, I currently do not. I haven't "played" with this feature yet. So, I will be silent on this for the time being. [that is: silent on acting on this. Not silent on posting about it on my blog. Which should be good for a chuckle]
I'm posting tonight, which I probably should not. I'm still a little "under the weather". So I've been watching way too much tv, & when I'm not I'm studying my eyelids very closely. yup, they're still there, & they still function properly. I'm enjoying Renee Yohe's tumbler post. It's so cool to hear people express the same thought, in harmonious ways. Each unique to the person, yet conveying the same message. [as if using their own "dialect"] Love is not easy. It is not for the faint of heart. We are all messy. The adjectives we use are different... yet we are all broken [& yes, I'm now thinking of the song by Paramore]. Broken to the same degree...even though the cracks create different shapes on each of us. Yet... It is possible to choose isolation. It is possible to choose... something else, too. It is possible to find people... who will love you through the mess...[irregardless of who it was...that made it.] I've said it before, I'll say it again [probably too many times, I'm afraid] Love isn't pretty, it's pretty necessary.
It's strange, how love works. Seems you only feel loved... once you've given out all the reasons why someone shouldn't love you. When you've risked telling all. You sit there, in your vulnerability of knowing that you've shown every reason why someone shouldn't love you. You wait... for them to walk away... it's only when they don't... only then can you really believe you are loved. Sad. That when you seem to have lost... is when you've truly won.

The first rays of a new dawn
you feel lost
swept under something
like you'll never be found
you cannot figure out
whether or not
you want
to be found
you won't tell anyone
that you aren't sure
if you really want
to live through
this again
tells you they're
"gonna kill you"
which makes you mad
because you know they're lying
and they don't know
how bad you want death
there are others
these strange folks
who keep hanging around
"wanting" to be with you
which is weird
because you
yet this weirdness
gives birth
to beauty
like a flower
blooming slowly
it wakes you up
to glory
to color
to joy
it brings you
back to life
more than that
it brings you to a life
that you somehow
always knew
was "out there"
...and it births
that life
it's too big
to stay
it must
"burst forth"
it was meant to
you cannot stop it
when it does
you realize
were never meant to
keep it
to yourself
inside yourself
are too small
to contain it
are glad
b.e. noll

I probably won't be on here for a day or 2, now. I'm trying to get over a cold, & I have a really long day Wed. So I may just sleep tomorrow night. Take care. Know you are loved. In spite of ...THAT. Whatever "that" is for you.
I liked this trailer. Saw it on tv tonight. Looks gut wrenching, sad, yet ultimately hopeful. The last line makes me think of my parents, & all the people they have "adopted" as their kids from LW. It makes me think of LW. Some family you are born with... but... some family you get to choose[& they... choose you]
Gimme Shelter

May His grace drip from your fingers,

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