Wednesday, November 6, 2013

You know what? I think I have another idea of why I felt the way I did yesterday. At least part of the reason. I've been pushy. To... um, well me.
I hate to be the center of attention. If anyone who knew me in high school, in YAF Fishnet, reads that... they will laugh & say: "yeah, right. Tell me another one."  I was, at least with the right people, the "life of the party". Crazy, funny, jokester, I've been known to really make people laugh till it hurts. [don't tell anyone, cause... well, I'm posting it so it's not news now. Ha, ha, I told before you did. At least we're being mature about this. Shhh, let's keep this between us. You, me, & ...well, whoever else reads this.]

where was I? Sitting at my computer, that's right. I do like when people laugh. And Rich Mullins was right: "...when we can't do that, I know that it is frightening...". Inside though, I don't want to be seen. I don't want attention. I want the spotlight to go onto... anyone else but me. You can have it. I joke about photography. "see, this is why I take pictures, so no one can take my picture. I get to be behind the camera."
I'm like this. A few weeks ago, I took photos during ENCOUNTER at LW. Which was difficult, for me. Tonight, at growth group, I stood up & read something. [the intro to Higher education & the Book of love by Rich Mullins] Just me, a podium, & a piece of paper. Truthfully, I so wanted to crawl under the carpet. They were a very merciful crowd.
I don't believe what I've been writing on here, either. Well, I should go. I have a shorter drive for work tomorrow. which I'm very much liking.
Thanks for putting up with me as I try to stretch myself.
[oh, the Rich Mullins song, We are not as strong as we think we are. One of my all time fav.'s by him]

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