Saturday, November 2, 2013

"how are you?" can be a frustrating question

It's not been a very creative week for me. Not feeling well, myself. Then, while trying to catch up on rest & get better, a phone call. "I took Dad to the hospital again. For Vertigo." So that was Thurs. evening. I went in, not that I could do much. And sat with Mom. 10:30pm I finally got to take Dad home. I've never seen him so "out of it". Tired, not moving or standing very well. Which was tougher on me than I expected.
Something else that made this hard was something I noticed a long time ago about myself. My "fight or flight" response is... very weird. Activation can be measured in nano seconds. While the return to normal can take many hours. I got the call while sleeping. So I went from asleep to mobilizing myself practically instantaneously. However, I couldn't rest for hours after I got home. So the week was stressful. Thankfully everyone at work was very kind & helpful. My immediate supervisor, upon being text of the events text back: "you know, we're doing well. You can stay home tomorrow, if you need to". It hadn't occurred to me anything involving the next 24hrs. And everyone was very nice with me on Friday. Thankfully not asking too many questions. I was reminded again of why I got on facebook. I can explain something once & done. It's hard enough for me to share when things aren't going well. Being asked to repeat the whole story over & over is... I don't possess the skills or stamina for such things. I loath the process, rather intensely. Then there are the questions. I don't really like being questioned a whole lot. Especially questions that the answers are painfully obvious. I used to know someone who would have the unnerving habit of asking me: "How are you?". When I'd reply: "fine", he'd say: "well, you can lie to yourself if you want." Don't ask a question, if you have already decided what the answer is, for 1. Second of all. Ask a better, more precise question. I don't lie when I say I'm fine.
"How are you?" is an extremely vague question. [with no parameters]
I'm fine....
Which means that:
#1. I'm not bleeding from anywhere at this moment. No one is shooting at me. No one has cut me on purpose recently. No one has hit me with anything in the past few hours. I do not currently have a disease [curable or not]. All of my physical parts are functioning within normal parameters. [I could go on. I won't]
#2. I am because God invented me. "how are you?" [how come you exist] My parents were involved [obviously]. [told you it was a vague question]
#3. I have a job. they aren't trying to get rid of me. My house seems fine, & functions for me. Our cars are in running order. The bills get paid [not to my satisfaction, yet...]. The pc's, electronics, phones, bed, etc. are all working quite well.
#4. I am enjoying my growth group. They walk the fine line they should. Loving me, yet challenging me. Living Word is the same way. My friends are all good, helpful, supportive.
So... don't say I'm lying. I AM fine. Things could very well be worse.
Ask what you really want to know. How's your Dad? How are you emotionally today? are you in a good mood? Do you feel anything today? These are questions that I can't spin a wheel & pick an answer to. Granted, I may not want not answer. If you love me, you could be a real friend & say: "it's ok if you don't feel like telling me much/anything." I very well may not want to. I may give you a one word answer. I may not want to elaborate. Something you should know is, forcing me will not give you what you want. It will give you what will help you to go away. You need me to fear you? ok I do, if you will leave me alone. [I only really fear one person. When you can die on a cross for my sins & raise yourself from the dead 3 days later... I'll fear 2 people.] You need me to feel bad? ok, I do. You need me to feel wonderful? then I do. Whatever it takes. I don't like being bullied, threatened, or bossed around. Especially if you are not my boss at work.

Not sure why I'm typing all this. Hopefully somehow this will be worth reading. Hopefully if the person who used to ask me this reads this it won't be too offensive. Hopefully to those on the other end of the extreme "I've heard he HATES being asked questions about anything." you have an idea how I approach things like this. I don't think I hate being asked questions, really. I do hate feeling like I'm endlessly looping, telling a story over & over again [in the dictionary under "redundant" it says: "see redundant"]. So maybe if you ask me something & you know there's a possibility I've just concluded telling it to someone else you could say: "if your tired of telling this, I can ask you later."

Well... his is nothing like I thought it would be. [the brochure didn't mention this at all] So I hope you can at least laugh @ how I express my annoyance at things I can't really fix.
I'll try to get back to photos, poems, 'n such tomorrow.
May His grace drip from your fingers

No comments: