Wednesday, September 21, 2011

a story continuing to unfold...

Well, Mom is back in the hospital. In case I didn't say so here yet. There are "other turmoils" in my life @ this moment, as well. She has a blood clot. They put in an "umbrella". near her lung. She will be in pain for a while. Though last night she said her pain was a 7, tonight it was a 6. Which is good. She also stood for a whole minute. Which is progress. Many have said different things to comfort me. Some trying to put words to God's actions. I don't have any. God exists outside of both space & time... I've never been outside of either one. So, to some extent, I really don't "understand who I'm dealing with". I do see, as He sees. I cannot understand, as He does.
Music is a way I try to... cope/ put words or dialogue to things. How I get things out of myself. So... what songs come to mind here? Merciful Eyes, Blue Skies, & Restore My Soul by The Choir ...somewhat. Yet... as I continue to live [& hopefully grow] I'm confronted by an oddity. Songs to God seem to come to mind. I especially loved singing "It is Well With My Soul", among other hymns recently in church.
Tonight on my way to growth group, I had in some music by Kemper Crabb. I'll leave you with one of the songs...

[actually it's easier to link to my previous post of the lyrics, here]

sure of uncertainty

I certainly
don't know
what your up to
I don't know
why you haven't
snapped your fingers
"and fixed it yet"
I don't always know
why I can't understand you
I can't leave you either
[where would I go?!?!]
Here I am
in an uncertain place
the only thing I know
for sure
is I'm uncertain
how this will turn out
I don't know why
why her?
why now?
why this?
All I can do
is remember
that funny story
from when I was a kid
and didn't know an answer
rather than lie
or make one up...
what does idk mean?"
"it means I Don't Know"
...and I don't
you know
I don't know
what your doing
I don't know
how you'll use this
but I've watched
I've read your book
I know
you will
of this
I am
also certain

...while I wait
for answers
to the prayers of many
will you
sit with me?
If nothing else
right now
just sit here
with me

b.e. noll

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