Thursday, March 12, 2009

reflections on finding my soul

Lots going on this week. Bad week for my allergies. Got to celebrate one of my favorite gifts this week [my Dad's b-day was Mon. Good food, great conversation. once again I find myself saying: "it may be your b-day, but I got the gift. I got you." People are the best gifts. -I'll post the poem born from this in April] Got home from an evening with Dad, & found out that my friend & neighbor, Jared [& his wife Becky] had a boy. Then bad news, in 2's. Tues. a co-worker mentioned the anniversary of his wife's death. Wed. I found out that 2 friends I'd lost touch with [who are now married to each other] lost their baby boy. [...& an old wound bleeds anew...] I, myself, am fine. I am [as I commented on L.L.'s blog] unfolding myself. Finding my soul. [or, perhaps better said, my soul re-awakens] Things seem different, lately. As though God has started over, yet without "throwing the other me out". I write, pretty much every day now. Some is very poetic, almost to the point where it's an "out of body experience". I almost say "I'd like to meet the person who wrote that". My allergies have me on pills [those who know me well, know how I despise pills]. My skin isn't too bad, right now. [besides hives when I weed out front. I get this itchy, weird, "can't stand to be in my skin" feeling at times.]
I again, swing back to the fact that in spite of the "downer" stuff that is in my life. I am in a mending, awakening, artistic phase. I am also stuck on the new U2 disc. [wrote a poem answer to Magnificent, among about 5 or 6 other poems while listening to it.]

I found my soul...
It seems like I have been looking for you
I'm sorry you got lost
I'm sorry
that the last time I saw you
you were being violated
torn up
beat down
but I'm glad I found you...
[I'm glad you are still here]

I found my soul
whimpering in a corner
not to make
a sound
so worn out
like a three legged dog
a weird
shriveled thing
that I thought
no one wanted...

I found my soul
& I found people
who would pray for it
people who would nurse it
back to health
I keep losing my soul
I found it in a youth ministry
They helped to make it whole
I "refound" it
in an odd place
a church
in an old school building
a living church
a beautiful body
of Christ
that has
[and seems to continue
in new & ever deepening ways]
written love
all over my soul

[...I'm not sure this is finished, but it is for tonight. I will get back on track soon...]


L.L. Barkat said...

mending... awakening... artistic...

i love that you put these words together. And I see it. In your poems (thanks for the one that was so deep, so raw). I send a small peaceful rain to your soul soil that is now turning, now blooming unexpected.

Bought as is said...

Thanks L.L. some ways, your comments are part of that rain.

Anonymous said...

i like the whole poem, of course.

yet, this line is my favorite..."like a three legged dog".

Anonymous said...

a living church.... an excellent place to rediscover who you really are!!! nice!! Always, Cindy