reflections on finding my soul

Lots going on this week. Bad week for my allergies. Got to celebrate one of my favorite gifts this week [my Dad's b-day was Mon. Good food, great conversation. once again I find myself saying: "it may be your b-day, but I got the gift. I got you." People are the best gifts. -I'll post the poem born from this in April] Got home from an evening with Dad, & found out that my friend & neighbor, Jared [& his wife Becky] had a boy. Then bad news, in 2's. Tues. a co-worker mentioned the anniversary of his wife's death. Wed. I found out that 2 friends I'd lost touch with [who are now married to each other] lost their baby boy. [...& an old wound bleeds anew...] I, myself, am fine. I am [as I commented on L.L.'s blog] unfolding myself. Finding my soul. [or, perhaps better said, my soul re-awakens] Things seem different, lately. As though God has started over, yet without "throwing the other me out". I write, pretty much every day now. Some is very poetic, almost to the point where it's an "out of body experience". I almost say "I'd like to meet the person who wrote that". My allergies have me on pills [those who know me well, know how I despise pills]. My skin isn't too bad, right now. [besides hives when I weed out front. I get this itchy, weird, "can't stand to be in my skin" feeling at times.]
I again, swing back to the fact that in spite of the "downer" stuff that is in my life. I am in a mending, awakening, artistic phase. I am also stuck on the new U2 disc. [wrote a poem answer to Magnificent, among about 5 or 6 other poems while listening to it.]

I found my soul...
It seems like I have been looking for you
forever
I'm sorry you got lost
I'm sorry
that the last time I saw you
you were being violated
torn up
beat down
but I'm glad I found you...
[I'm glad you are still here]

I found my soul
damaged
whimpering in a corner
trying
not to make
a sound
so worn out
like a three legged dog
a weird
shriveled thing
that I thought
no one wanted...

I found my soul
& I found people
who would pray for it
people who would nurse it
back to health
I keep losing my soul
I found it in a youth ministry
They helped to make it whole
I "refound" it
in an odd place
a church
in an old school building
a living church
a beautiful body
of Christ
that has
[and seems to continue
in new & ever deepening ways]
written love
all over my soul

[...I'm not sure this is finished, but it is for tonight. I will get back on track soon...]