Saturday, August 2, 2008

My Problem

A friend of mine runs the Vertical Creativity blog. It is a blog or community for the artists at our church. Sweet girl, that one. And... if you go to Living Word, &/or you go to the Vertical Creativity blog... well, it probably won't be too had to put together who I am, exactly. She started a "splinter blog" or off shoot of the "VC" blog, for photography. So, hoping to encourage her & to get the sharing to keep going... I sent her some photos [in my defense she asked for photos from vacations people had taken]. So she got them -& immediately posted them... & my name. -my full name [gulp... mommy]. She took a page from my own book "can I post them -thanks". [please laugh -I did] Now, I emailed her back & [bless her kind heart] she "fixed it", which, of course, makes me feel both bad & like a royal pain in her [well... you know]. So here I'm supposed to say her problem is___. -her problem is me.

My problem is... I'm afraid of 1 of 2 outcomes.
#1. No one says ANYTHING to me AT ALL about them. So [being me] that means they suck, & my "inner voice" says "told ya, stupid. Leave the photography to the artists -will ya".
#2. EVERYONE [& his or her brother] comes to me & tells me about them. And I feel like I'm being interviewed for a magazine.
[how's that for all or nothing? ...for that matter, talk about a no win situation]
Actually, I'm afraid of being noticed, watched, or spoken of like I'm some sort of Bono, or Eugene Peterson, or Roger Dean.
I hate being watched, studied, examined...
I'm not some great person, really I'm not.

And this name [bought "as is"] was created as yet another way to hide myself. To share my soul with out letting anyone have a clue who's soul they were hearing from. You know what? Batman & spider-man are fun -for 2 hours... but hiding is work. And I'm not sure I feel I should continue to do that.

So, anyway,I sit here... & truthfully, I'm glad she did it. I never said I was Ansel Adams, Leonardo Da Vinci, or Jimi Hendrix. I never will. Don't want to be. I'm me. Like it or not [often I don't like it... & it's time to change that -ok, probably about 2 decades past time].
I ran into a quote last week from an old USA Today article. Mary J. Blige was being interviewed, & she said this about herself:

“Once I found love, I found self-love. It’s the awareness that someone [cares] about you, so why don’t you?”

This really hits me. Don't quite know why it does, just that it does. So, anyway, while there are some who read this & know who I am exactly before even reading any of it... it isn't that hard to figure out anymore -either. So I may start posting photos ['n such] here. Just to personalize "the place".

[I'll have to post about the Paisley show later...]


Anonymous said...

It's time to come out of hiding. You are a child of God. Fess up and love who you are in Him. Being creative means takings risks. Sometimes things work out. Othertimes, not so much. But you would never know if you didn't try. Take photos. Proudly display your name. Be brave & courageous. You just may be surprised. ~"that pain in the ______ girl"

Bought as is said...

I really liked the Nooma that deals with your statement about "Being creative means taking risks".It also said that you are not responsible for how others take it or what they do with it after it's created.
Thanks. For your comment, your patience with me & your understanding. Sharing pictures, poems, & commenting on some blogs...these are my feeble steps toward coming out of the shadows.
I was "on display" as a child. So it's very hard to "venture out into the platform" of putting my "messing around" out there. My parents have always said I was gifted. If I put things out there I guess I might have to admit that I'm an artist. [don't know why I make that sound like I'm in an AA meeting]
...oh, & if I may be so "brave" as to say:
Please don't call my sister names.
You aren't a pain to me.
[and, sorry for scaring you this morning]