Sunday, August 3, 2008

Hold Dearly to me

Today was a hard day to be at church. Which is why I HAD to be there. Today's talk, "cut to the bone" for me. It was a hurt so deep, the marrow of my bones ached. I haven't cried like that [from that place in me] in so long -if ever. I, typically, don't let people see me "like that", either. There is a reason [but it's not a pretty one. So I'll not share it here, at this time]. So I borrowed keys [thank God for my friends, there] & hid away. and cried. Feeling stupid, & self conscious, for doing so. When the worship team sang the last 2 songs... felt like they were playing my heartstrings. I am glad for those I feel close to, at LW, on days like today. For, on days like today...
I need them so bad I can taste it.

This came to me, in the "crying solitude" at the end of each service [a sort of "explanation", as it were, of why I had to be there] need to allow your heart to break, so your soul can mend.
Sometimes... you need to allow your heart to break, so others can remind you that you are loved. [that you matter -& not just to God]

More for my own benefit, than anyone reading this...
This is a favorite song -for times such as these.

Hold Dearly to Me
Words by Michael Roe

What do you do
When you’re in total frustration, Lord?
What do you do,
When you’re in total despair?
What can you say
When you dial that number?
& the only person that you want to talk to is never really…
Really quite there…
This person…can not bring me happiness…
This person… can not bring me joy…
Gracious God, lift me higher…let me see your beautiful face…
I gotta know who my true friends are,
& where’s my home sweet home

Many nights I’ve wondered…
Alone down that street of pain
Many days I’ve stumbled…
Out of the darkness in daylight
Many years I’ve wondered
Wonderin’ just where I’ll end up…
In a festering heap of flames or a shivering cold, cold night

Good God, Almighty
Scoop me up, set me free
Let me walk in your forgiveness
Make a man outta me
Lord I been jumpin’ at shadows
Like a snake I been eatin’ my tail
Let me trip, let me stumble, but please, please don’t let me fail

I’m a fly by night
I’m a dog by day
I gotta room full a beautiful memories
Growin’ old & in the way
I gotta heart that be broken
Over, & over again
Some are lovers, some are brothers
But most of all they’re my own dirty little hands
Let me sit at Your holy feet
Let me count the hard cost
Of what is right & what is wrong
Of who is king &
Who can, only be the boss
Let me lie awake
‘n seek the truth of thy holy face
Out of Thy holy mouth
Thunderin’ forth out of a holy place

Let me walk
Standin’ tall
A with a mouth
A Forgivin’ over
Hold to the things
That I know You hold dear
Let me soften my heart
Let me harden my footsteps
As I press toward the mark
Of Your safe place, without any fear

Hold dearly to me
Hold dearly to me
Hide me
Drag me
closely & safely

hold dearly
hold dearly
Hide me
Drag me
closely & safely

Life is often desperate, but never hopeless - Robert Fripp

No comments: