Tuesday, March 3, 2015

a revisit of sorts...

I said in a previous post that I have a lot to say. This post has been kind of in the back of my mind for some time....

On this blog, as a post & in poem form, I have written of something I found to be a mystery.  A mystery of God. I asked Him on numerous occasions about it, & been given no hint of an answer. 
I asked Him why He took my scars away, & kept His.
I thought I'd give an update on this. Since there indeed is one.
After feverishly asking this question, I gave up on getting an answer. I resigned it as a mystery that would remain unsolved for me.
Some years later...
I received an answer. I'm going to describe it from inside my rather expansive imagination. [you may not want to read this just anywhere. Not sure how it'll hit you. It hit me rather hard.]
I saw an image of Jesus sitting in front of me. How he looked is really not the point of this. He sat with his hand closed into a fist. holding it so I could see his folded fingers. He seemed to speak this into my mind:
"Brian, I removed your scars because they lie to you. All they ever say is: 'you are broken. Broken beyond repair. You can never be fixed. You will never be worth loving.' So I erased them. Because I don't want you to hear that. What I want you to hear... is what my wounds say: [as he speaks he slowly opens his hand to reveal the trademark hole there] "I went through this...just so I could have you. This is how far I would go, just to get you. This is how bad I want you."
I went through this on a Sat. As you might imagine, I just sat there. I couldn't even see through the blur of tears. It was what I needed. Not because I didn't know that....no. Because it's nice to be told in a calm yet unshakeable way that you matter.

May His grace drip from your fingers,

No comments: