slight info/ prayer request/ & thoughts on prayer

Well... today didn't end the way it was "planned to". My boss came to me at around 12-1 pm & said "Your dad isn't coming back to work today, he took your mom to the hospital." I think it was the hardest thing for him to come & tell me. I knew not to be too frieghtened because he didn't tell Jay, to tell me, to come immediately. Unfortunately, the only info I have at this time is: it's "heart related". A test tonight [23:00 hrs.], & one tomorrow, between am & noon, should give us some insight as to: what is wrong/ how to proceed from here. I saw her & she is "Mother". Glad to see me, talkative, alert, able to tell the Dr. about the onset of symptoms, et al. And [thanks to morphine] she was not in pain. Ok, I haven't talked about my parents much. That's because I'm more blessed in this area than most. And I simply don't want to rub it in anyone's face. [I may explain more at a later date]. As I write this I'm hoping I'll have more info in 24hrs. [I may not know anything more than I know now]

So, the obvious prayer request [that many from LW probably already have received] is to pray. Pray for the Dr.'s performing the tests. That we find out what happened. That we find out what to do now. That all who are effected will seek God, find out what He wants to say to us through this. That we go to Him, just to be with Him, so He can "hang with us". No one else can "be there for us" like he can.

Rob Bell has said [you can see a picture of it in "Drops Like Stars"] that his therapist shows him a sign, when things don't make sense. It reads: "THE GOD WHO WASTES NOTHING".

I got a call tonight, after returning home, & settling into my couch for some NCIS:LA. I "snapped" to attention, & grabbed it like it shot at me or something. Open it & answer like a soldier, "hello" I say flatly. waiting for instructions of things Mom or Dad need. I let out a sigh of relief that it's someone inquiring about Mom's status [not a "need ya" call]. I restate the things I know. Powerless to change them. And I say... the same phrase I kinda hate to hear myself. "All you can really do is pray". Why do we say it that way? Why do we look at it that way? All you can really do is speak to the one who spoke the universe into existence. All you can do is talk to the one being I cannot get away from. The one being who can [if anyone can] be with me the whole time, without annoying me to death. The one who knows "why?", "why now?", "Why this??". He may tell me these answers... perhaps not.
I was once asked [unrelated incident]: "Are you mad at God?" "no...I know Him too well to be mad at Him. But not well enough to know what He's doing".
Prayer is more powerful than we think. It is doing something. Something very important. But, we say, I am not doing anything. By speaking to someone. Saying you'll be praying for them. You validate their struggle. You validate that what they are going through is hard, & there may not be easy answers. You tell them "you are not alone". And then you speak to THE most comforting person who has ever existed, & ask Him to comfort the person struggling. This is hardly nothing.
Good night.

May His grace drip from your fingers,
B
P.S. thanks for the prayers, they are already felt.

The Splintered Rainbow

The splintered rainbow

I walk upon the snow









The crunch of my feet on fallen leaves
And “some-what” fresh fallen snow
The snow it glints to me
Winking in colors
Shifting splinters of a deconstructed rainbow
Your presence
Filling the space between me
And every living & dead thing
On this frozen path
Magical
…yet, more than mere magic
Divine, breath taking
Soul stirring
I smile
In childlike glee
I go from 38
To 3 in the blink of an eye
Small, compared to you
And glad to be
Your presence
Now wrapping around me
Like a blanket
I press the capture button
In feeble belief
That I can borrow more than these images
That I can borrow this makeshift
Momentary temple
To share with others
Sadly, they must search for you themselves
For this moment is for us
And so I pray
That they will have their own

By Brian Eugene Noll

[ok, I tried something different. Don't know if I like it. By the way, if you click on the snow pictures you'll see the "splintering" I wrote about. It creates a rainbow dots look here, if only you could have seen it the way I saw it!]

Thoughts on New Years

Well, I sat on this for a while, but I think I'm ok with it...

So… new years. I don’t even know where to begin. I haven’t done resolutions for a long time. I used to say that my resolution was to not make resolutions anymore.
Why don’t I like them, you ask? Well:

#1. They tend to last from 72 hours to 1 week, then BAM, I slip up. Feel like crap for longer than it lasted. And stop trying to do/not do what-ever-it-was for the rest of the year.

#2. Do I actually have to wait till new years to change something? That seems a bit lame for my tastes.

The closest I come to this yearly practice, is:

Oct. think: what do I see that I wish was different? What would I like to add or subtract from my life? Why? Is it to prove something? To whom? [if it passes this test…]

Nov. begin a “how will I implement this” platform. What will it look like? [if subtracting] what will I replace this with? [freeing up time only matters if you use that time for something of redeeming value]

Is this a thing I can “just wake up & do?”? if not, what stage should I start with now? Will that stage take: a week? a month? a year? –you know map it out.

Then sometime between Dec. 1^st & Dec 20^th begin the journey [as though it were New Year’s already]. Why? Well, this gives me the chance to have a few “false starts” before the year begins “in earnest”. Also, …I find, the more difficult plan is, the more worthwhile it will be when I finally succeed.

After all, we don’t write movies/books/name buildings after/celebrate birthdays of people who did what was easy. We don’t remember people who played it safe. We stand up & cheer for those who stared up at the impossible… & did it anyway. Those of you who read the Bible, this book is littered with stories of the impossible. A kid beheads a giant, in front of his own nation’s army. Another kid, sold into slavery, keeps his family, & an entire region, from starving through a 7 year famine. A man from a nowhere town, who never did a single thing wrong in his life…dies for a world full of people who can’t ever seem to get it right [at least, not without his help, anyway]. The Bible is the most beautifully absurd love story –ever. Basically, if God owned a business, the slogan would be “where the impossible, is just another day at the office.”

May His grace drip from your fingers,
B

a quick poem

a feeble attempt at a "quick poem"

Beginning... beginning again.
[or starting all over, from the middle]

Beginning
to take down the tree
as I'm beginning a new year
the beginning of a brand new day
the first one of this month
of this year
retracing steps
rethinking steps already taken
rehashing ideas
rethinking plans
should I?
I'd like to...
it would be so nice to...
uh, never again
I'm constantly beginning
and beginning again
this train of life
going around an unexpected bend
"where does this go?"
do I want to know?
should I, though?
as this new year unfolds
resolutions
I just don't do
plans seem to ensue
I resolve
to never let the dream
of my "true life"
die

By Brian Eugene Noll
[written hastily in the early moments of New Years Day]

Hope you had a good evening
Hope this year is way better than last

online again

[deep breath]
Well... after much time has passed, I am finally typing a blog post from the comfort of my own home! [Mom, I figured it out somehow. Bubb, thanks for the tips!]
In my last post I said I wouldn't post till after new years. I lied, sorry.
This is just my way of "getting the news out" that I'm "independently online" again.
[the photos are of the box my Mother's gift was in]
Hope you had a blessed & peaceful Christmas.
B

P.S. there are many more photos to come....

poem fragment

The Endless Poem [or The Poem of Infinity]

[christmas... the birth of hope]
a child is born this night
a boy
a son
the light (& hope)
of the world
of the created universe
born without defect
to accept all defects
born to rid poeple like me
of our wounds & scars
yet keep the ones
I've put on Him
this boy
this man
is tangible hope not "I hope so" hope
hope I can "hang with"
hope that will never get lost
hope that refuses to die
the man born this day
is different than all others
born of his own choosing
will allow us to beat him
kill him
so that
by doing so
he
can save us
...from ourselves.

This man
This "Prince of God"
is heir
to an unchallengable kingdom
a son
who's father
is ageless
matchless
fathumless
insurmountable
untamable
unmeasurable
...
[end of this fragment]


Remember...
What's under the tree
isn't nearly as wonderful, valuable, or priceless...
as who put it there.

the real gifts at Christmas
are around the tree
what's under it are post it notes
to remind you of them.

Poeple are the best gifts.

Merry Christmas,
B

Ok, a long over due update

My pc has been down for a few months, this you knew...
I now know my local "c" drive is bad [it has bad "sectors" on it]. I may have lost some of my poems, music, & photos. [ouch!]
The good news is: I got a new hard drive. Which my Sister-in-law's boyfriend is installing.
He's recovering all he can from my bad drive, & moving it onto this new one.
So I should be up & going in Jan. I've had lots of post ideas, but running to someone else's pc to write & post them just isn't me.
So as of about 4:30 here, what ever I post today will be the last I post till Jan 2010.


Have a wonderful Christmas & New Years!
B