latest challenges....

I'll start with a simple one [as I listen to Miles Davis' The Complete In A Silent Way Sessions set].
The latest challenge from L.L. [well, ok poems wise, anyway]
"if words were..."

A Love of Language
how odd it is
that I love language
so
when
sometimes
I seem so
"self quarantining"
from it's use
walling myself
away
from
those
who would
encourage
those who would
protect me
from my
own
dark words

...but
thank God
for journaling,
for poem challenges,
for friends
to share poems with,
who care
about me
the writer
of such oddities
Thank God
for a chance
to use words
as keys
to unlock
and open
the mystery
of me.

...oh
if words were
chocolate
they'd have to be
dark chocolate
rich
and sweet
some melt
in your mouth
and bring a smile
to your lips
caress the taste buds
making you long for more
of this
delicacy...

if words were
wine
to lift
to your lips
to sniff
the aroma
they purvey
to sip, tenderly
to swish around
in your mind
to ponder the painting
they evoke
to ingest them
hoping, praying they will
help to
challenge
to change
you deep in your soul
to make you different
than you were
before....

if words were
an ocean
[& they sometimes are]
washing over me
with all their power,
all their adventure,
all their daring,
yet lying with them
as they are absorbed
into the skin of my soul
to linger in them
to enjoy
the way
they effortlessly
reintroduce me
to a good friend
the way they connect me
to a community
of souls
encouraging me to use them
as wings
to soar up, out, away
from what
gets in my way
to free me
from the junk
brought to me
by my day

Words help me so much. Journaling, blogging, emailing, even "facebooking" seem to help me "let it out" & let others in. Sometimes simultaneously. I'm "more glad tonight" than usual. Today shouldn't bother me, but it did. My poor neighbor, trying to be nice by waiting for me to park my car, is slighted by my poor reaction to it. I cannot even be helped out of this lousy feeling.... at least not till I quickly "run" into the house, up stairs to my music.... which is why I'm listening to Miles Davis. For some odd reason, this is soothing to my soul tonight. Music & words. Tonight, I'm thankful for both. I'm fine, now. Calmed down from my "spaz" of earlier. Even Cnctema [the martial art I took for years] tells me, woven all through it, to be calm. You hurt yourself & others far less if you stop resisting, & being so stiff. Which leads me to thoughts of God...... is He trying to "move me" & I'm resisting? Is He simply trying to say "hey, chill out"?

As for the posts on dreams from High callings & Co. My dream seems to be more in the hands of others right now. A dream of a permenant "Sacred Space" or Labyrinth. A hybrid of Sacred space...& healing space. A place, a space to try art "on for size". A place to "hang with the Almighty". A place to learn to "live into your skin". This year is many things for me. Being comfortable in & living into my skin is one of them. I didn't die of mortal embarrassment on putting my real name to the Grace found me poem. [featured in INKLINGS] Nor did I have problems with having a picture on the cover. [though, I DO feel like I'm bragging to mention & link to it. But I want to brag about the others who are in there, & deAnn's wonderful way of putting them together. Check out the whole "issue" it's really good!]

On another blog, a very wonderful talk about being naked [though, not the porno idea of it that naturally comes to mind in a culture such as ours]. Naked in a healing sense. In a sharing sense. To recognize the shame we often feel. The difficult way of being real about our struggles. On Stuff Christians Like [which, usually does a nice job with comedy] Jon writes some serious questions. He'd love the stuff I wrote in the Labyrinth on one of my visits. About 3 pages of questions, fears... painfully honest fears & questions. And a "God sized" challenge. [on what to do with them] I have begun [last night, yet again] to try to write about abuse. Largely, for the purpose of sharing a "color poem". My first red poem came out & I thought ....who could read this? To my suprise, the few who've read it like it. I won't say more on it. But if I post twice in a night... that may be why. I also thought, & hope to, write a post on the anatomy of a gift. And what my favorite gifts are. [i would share pictures of these gifts, but I don't have permission]

May His grace
drip from your fingers...

the 3 mysteries of place [part 3]

Well, my eyes hurt a bit, ....but my ears have been caressed by the sounds of Bruce Cockburn's new live one. So this will be brief.
2 quotes I love by musicians....

“My job is to try and trap the spirit of things in the scratches of pen on paper, in the pulling of notes out of metal,” - Bruce Cockburn

“I'm always thinking about creating. My future starts when I wake up every morning . . . Every day I find something creative to do with my life.”
- Miles Davis

The sacred mysterious presence…

You show up

In unexpected times

Peace,

Grace,

Mercy,

Unending love,

All ride with You

Like You were

Bringing

Dark chocolate

Or a fine wine

To “secretly share”

With me

Nothing compares

To our times together

You redefine joy

Every time

You show up

I’m never quite the same

Afterward

You

Change everything

Sometimes You show up

…as I’m driving to work

Sometimes

We get to go to the Labyrinth together

[You are always there,

And it feels like I’ve walked into Your living room

-especially this year]

Sometimes

I need

To spit things out

To get them

Off my chest

Thankfully

You are fine with that

Sometimes

I just need to

Not be alone

And You

Just set down

And be still

With me

You

By being You

Make

Any place

Sacred

By showing up

You let me

Scream at You

Be really upset

You are still You

And I still

Desperately

Need You

[so bad I can taste it]

You are

The origin

Of my anti-depression

Like one of

“our songs” says,

“like black coffee,

Like nicotine,

…like honey

On a tongue,

Like oxygen,

I need Your love”

I really do….


God, my father...
thanks for letting me drown
in the ocean of Your love.......

the 3 mysteries of place [part 2], poetry as comedy, ...& signing my work

...in no order. So, the writing poetry as comedy thing wasn't easy. [I'm not sure I did it write]
but... here 'tis:

Poetry as comedy
one
funny thing
about poetry
[@ least mine]
is
the more
raw& honest
it is
the more fear
of sharing but I do it anyway
I am
the more people
resonate
with it
I never thought
that
what I use
to break out
of my
self made
trap
would end up as someone
else's
escape plan [map?]
I also
never realized
that
writing my
private
struggles
would be
so helpful
[even to me]
I never
realized
how poetry can
be comical
-& yet
in the midst
of the
laughter
[or after]
it can
still make me say
"yeah, I feel that!"
still teach
so much

I never realized
that I
could use
poetry
to learn
to talk.

So that's the attempt at comedy. [hopefully I'll do better at this in the future]
Now for the "3 mysteries of place part 2"...

The sacred mystery of landscapes

I don’t
Really know
When,
How,
Or where
My love of landscapes
Began
I do know
That the first rays
Of a new dawn
Began
In a park
A chance
To encounter
The Almighty
Something
That when “birthed”
At my church
I looked back
And realized
I had already been
Going to
The Labyrinth
Years ago…
Now
As I try
To learn
To both:
Be comfortable
In my skin,
And
To live
Into my skin.
I’m learning
But I’m certainly
Not “there” yet
Landscapes
Are a place where
God seems
So much
Closer,
Louder,
Larger,
Than other places.
I feel surrounded
By the
“God who is bigger than air itself”
Surrounded by
An intimate lover
I walk into a park,
Onto a trail…
And it is like entering
The God of the Cosmos
Sometimes I talk
Sometimes He talks
Sometimes we just
Silently listen
To the orchestra of nature.
The symphony of birds.
I take in
The amazing painting…
That I’m standing in.
The living paintings of Yahweh.

by Brian E. Noll

I have to get used to looking at this now. To explain, I have been giving my friend deAnn some poems for some time now. She publishes poems in Inklings, a quarterly publication that is available at the Common Grounds Coffee Bar [@ LWCC]. Yesterday was the deadline for submissions to the next issue. I have been taking photos for about a year now. Contemplative photography, as some call it. Just "borrowing images" [for an explaination go here] of God's painting the Earth. The last photo field trip, I really got cought up in being His kid. Anyway, I was asked to provide photos to be posted on the VC Photo blog, no problem. I [for whatever reason] decided to tell Kevin to use Brian E. Noll. I don't know if he will post them or not, nor do I know when. Don't care. I love Kevin, he's like a brother to me. And I can't wait to see what he writes next [his few posts have been wonderful]. And he's amazing with a camera. deAnn will [I think -don't hold me to it] use a photo I took while at my Uncle's cabin, for the cover of Inklings this next issue. So I told her to use the same name. I don't always communicate very well [especially when I'm nervous]. So between misunderstandings & divine movement in my life, I am [quite timidly, & with much trembling] using this name for my new poems to be published in there as well.

I really need to go for now, but it feels good to be laying this out here..... [pray for a fool, will ya?]

currently listening to Bruce Coburn's "Slice 'o Life" live solo discs online, here.

[Thanks Byron]

the 3 mysteries of place [part 1]

Somehow, as I have been writing emails, & looking at the title of Barkat's post on "Thresholds and Sanctuaries: the Mysterious Power of Place". I got this "trilogy of places".
so, here is "place #1".....

the mysterious [sometimes sacred] sanctuary of music
Music
Is my sanctuary
an aural room
an audio labyrinth
some of it
reminds me
of places
I never wanted to be
loneliness,
despair,
isolation,
pain,
messiness…
some of it
is like a favorite teacher
…or like my Earthly father
never tired,
always ready
to take me someplace wonderful
-just for fun
some
is a place to rest
a place to be tuned
[or calibrated to the Almighty]
a place to hide
[sometimes from myself]
some music
makes every molecule
sing for joy
to the maker of all things
music…
sometimes…
is my therapist
sometimes…
my medication
or a reminder
that I need to be medicated
by an audience with
The Maker

Photos, harmony with the season

Well, I'm closing in on a week since I posted last. This last weekend was beyond words for me. I haven't picked up my camera for a while. [at least not in earnest] So, when Kevin "put the word out" that we were having another "VC photo field trip", I was ecstatic. ...on Saturday. Well, I've been revisiting a rather old practice of mine [also on Sat.'s]. So, I thought about it for a while. Then decided I needed to go. So, camera & journal in my pockets, I went. I'm so very glad.
I've wanted to post how this spring I am exceptionally excited for. How the daffodils in the front little mulch bed, have been "yawning" their way up through the mulch. Spreading their "leaves of joyous green". And finally their blooms "trumpeted" the arrival of the first day of spring [right on cue]. Except for the full blooms, they have been a symbol of my state lately. It's been "winter in my soul" for quite some time now. I really feel like I'm mending. There are still things to let go of [...& some things that need started/ re-started/ "picked up" & ran with]. And through here, my journaling, & some other odd things, I'm feeling like I'm moving forward.
Even so, there is much to do. Even impromptu things, like changing a flat. Yesterday was not a "forward" day -in any sense of the word. Though, I wasn't derailed... I felt like I almost was.
So back to the photo "outing". We went to Lake Williams. Ahhh, so very nice. Now, with the mentioning of the daffodils, I'm thinking spring. It was cold enough to frost. We were early enough for me to catch some cool stuff... Like the bristling frost on the grass. I'll have to see if I can link this to my facebook pictures. [I'll also put more up on my photo blog later on]. It also acted like thousands of tiny prisms, as I walked through the grassy parts of trails....

You should be able to click on here & look at a larger view of this, which will show you a bit of what I mean by the prism effect. It gave the whole walk such a magical feel. I kept hearing the song "This is my Father's world" it would wash over my "inner ear" in waves. Growing louder at times & then softer at times. I felt [for the second time this year] like a little kid. Just so, care free, giddy. [which just isn't me -at least not very often] I felt so very "alive in the moment". I took a great deal of pictures. And have been blessed, & a bit overwhelmingly surprised, by the responses I've gotten from my photography friends. Namely, Kevin & deAnn. Mom has chimed in as well. [though, to know my mother, one would not be surprised by her enjoyment at all]
So I really enjoyed my hike, & got to do a "part 2" on Sunday over at Rocky Ridge. Wich I enjoyed as well. I forgot my camera tonight, though. I was out & saw an amazing sunset. [still agree with Doug Pinnick of King's X: "...yeah I watched the sun, setting in the west. Probably a thousand times, & every one was best...". -from the song "67", from the disc: Ear Candy]
Well, I'm kinda outta time here....
currently listening to something other than No Line... ["A Box" from Ear Candy, & thinking of deAnn's post on magnetic poetry -they go together, seriously, they do. -ok, for me they do...]

a "musical" post

Ok, so I picked up the new U2 disc. I'll get "campyness" out of the way first:
[all blue colored parts are song titles]
We had a snow storm, so I get on my boots, because it's white as snow outside. Why? 'cause I knew I'd go crazy if I didn't get the new U2 that night. As I drove cross town to a meeting I felt like a stand up comedy routine. Gushingly excited that it would take me past a record store. This one seems like another cohesive disc solid as the cedars of Lebanon. It really took hold of me. I think it's magnificent. There seems to be no line on the horizon for their creativity. I was glad I didn't have any interruptions listening to it. [like an unknown caller] As I let the disc birth it's songs into the car, I could hardly breathe. As I listened I felt myself come to a moment of surrender to how wonderful it sounded.
[ok, so I didn't use the whole title of "I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight", & "FEZ -being born" isn't in there either, nobody's perfect]

Well, that was kinda fun. Whimsical, but fun.
In all seriousness, this disc seems to be me, here, now. I feel like I'm soaking it in, marinating in it -if you will. I even hear portions of it constantly running on the "mp3 player in my head". I hear it in conversations. Several moments of our growth group these last 2 times I kept hearing the line from Stand Up Comedy: "...Stand up, for hope, faith, love, but while I'm gettin' over certainty, stop helping God across the road, like a little old lady...". This song has such a King's X inspired groove -love it. As I watched the video of Renee that I posted a few posts back, I was reminded of lines from Get on Your Boots: "...here's where we gotta be, love & community, laughter is eternity, if joy is real...".
The first song to really get stuck in my head, though, is going to be the next single. Magnificent. Just lovely. It is the kind of song that gets in your head. It is joyous, at least to me. I'm reminded of the story of my birth [as told by my mother], in the line "...I give you back my voice, from the womb...". Mom almost lost me in "having" me. So she told me that she gave me back to God the moment I was "out". Never really knew how to respond to that [still don't].
So... what would this post be without a poem? [it's sort of a prayer, really]

Magnificent [from another angle]
Father,
thank you for making
Paul David Hewson
thank you for making him
shy
[cause I don't feel as bad
about being
that way too]
thank you that
somehow
[all because of You]
he became a singer
anyway
thank you for his 3
good friends
for they can be
"real people" together
[& can encourage him]
& help him not to
travel the world
alone
thank you for sharing him
with us
[we enjoy his voice, too]
thank you for making Paul
able to write so well
we've never met
but he writes
like we are close friends
thank you
for all you are teaching me through
this new collection of songs
thank you that
it is helping me to write a lot
thank you
that this one
feels so much
like an
"audio anti-depressant"

[btw Paul David Hewson... is Bono's real name]



thank you again,
Lord,
for all my gifts.
thank you for showing me you love me
for screaming it from the cross
& for all the little ways too...

a few poems that came from other places

Barkat is still creating these writing challenges [or prompts, as others may call them].
I am also inspired by a commercial over on Vertical Creativity. A Visa commercial is the inspiration for this next one. To see the commercial first, click here. To read her wonderful post on this commercial.

GO

The moment

You here this tiny word

You feel like you should move

By itself it sounds

Like a command

In the military

In an emergency

…but

It can seem

Like an impossible task

When all that is around you

Seems broken

…maybe

Just maybe

In the brokenness

GO…

Means finding the pieces

Maybe

It means taking steps

To heal

What is broken

…the commercial

Is speaking of a form of

Brand new day

Of starting over

…but

What is starting over

Going to look like

For you?

Does it mean

Dusting off a

Long neglected

Instrument?

Is this instrument

Musical?

Or a paintbrush?

Or pencils?

Will you

Share this with someone?

Maybe going out your door

Isn’t your problem

Is it letting others in?

Is it sharing

The deepest part of yourself?

Maybe

GO

Is to the store…

For groceries…

For modeling clay…

A new notebook,

Or sketch pad…

Maybe…

It’s to find your friends

To remind yourself

Your journey

Connects with others

Will He…

Go with you?

Or…

Will you

GO

With Him?

…there are many things money can buy….

But what matters most in this world…. Isn’t found in a store…

And isn’t for sale…

[thus proving, once again, God gives the very best gifts. You are one of them –even if you don’t feel like it.]

So that is the first one... [I, for some reason, hear it read by Morgan Freeman]
Now for a [humm..... how do I say this?]
a different angle on a previous poem. [or... I found my soul pt 2, or I found my soul, revisited]

I found my soul
...in a cd
...in the loving eyes
of friends
...in the electronic words
hurled through
cyberspace
...different hands
...different minds
same...
gorgeous,
loving
God
[artist supreme]

So much is being "spoken into my life" lately. I'm at once excited, & a bit freightened, by it. Almost as if "God is my stalker". [now there's an image you don't think of everyday]
Seriously, it's not enough that from conversations, to The Labyrinth, to my lent devotional, to things in growth group, to music, to TV, to movies... but that all this can be speaking to me "harmoniously" on a theme is quite wild. [not to mention nail biting]
I may try to be brave, & post a few variations on the idea of "word painting". From my writings inside the Labyrinth. [it's a bit more of me than I'm used to publishing, but who knows?]
May you have a wonderful day... [or night's sleep]

Take time for quiet moments, for God whispers,

And the world is loud. –Anonymous

B