Tuesday, September 16, 2014

not sure I should say this. [is it helpful?]

So I'm wondering if I can pull this off. A friend wants to talk about suicide with me. Which causes a swirl of thoughts. Can I give them hope & encouragement? Can I really be honest? Can I really "get back there"? Into those moments of hopelessness. I'll admit, it's kind of nice to struggle to get back there. [instead of the struggling to get out & away from there. Which was very hard to do] Which also begs the question will it get me stuck again? -doubtful.
My question "can I really be honest?" isn't quite what you might think at first, either. What I mean is:

This isn't just a "Can I be brutally honest to them without hurting them?"
I actually am thinking more along the lines of: "Can I push the truth out through my lips"
Will I be able to really let them go "all in" into the nuances & crevices of it. [thoughts, feelings, actions] Can I do this in a truly helpful fashion? How do I let them know that what worked to pull me out ...probably won't work exactly the same for anyone else? We are all unique. 

The thing we all have in common is we are all different.
Not to be preachy, God doesn't want to have your relationship with him...with me. 
He's not a manufacturer. Making one cool thing... & making a ga-zillion of them.
Nope. God is an artist. He makes one... & never makes anything like it again. 
I used to think he looked at me & went: "wow.... I'll never do THAT again."
The words are correct. The vocal inflection is wrong....
"WOW.... I'll NEVER do that again." .....meaning: "I like him/her.... so much, that I'll never do that again. They are too beautiful to repeat."
So I'm praying about this conversation.  Not so much that I "save the day". More that he uses what I say..... however he wants. Somewhere between my voice & their ears... HE gets to say what ever he wants..... & we "have ears to hear". He can speak to us both at the same time. Who knows? ...he just might.

So I'm thinking of some quotes/ lines from different people as I think on this, too.
Please don't hide your scars - let them shine as lights to help the rest of us find our way - in the darkness. - Aaron Kunce

The way you treat your heart and speak of your story is what you encourage me to do with mine.   Please, be kind with your heart and courageous with your story.  [click on these sentences to read the whole blog post. I really liked it. From TWLOHA. Thanks Aaron Moore]

"...And I'm a long
long way
from your hill
on Calvary 
& I'm a long
from where I was
where I need to be
& if there is a light 
we can't always see
if there is a world
we can't always be
if there is a 

from your mouth
& there is a light
don't let it go out"
from the aptly titled: "Song for Someone" by U2
I want it to be just about reaching out to someone who no longer wants to live here. Meaning the planet. I'm not sure now, though. As I listen to it more... Which means it's classic U2.
[btw, I really like the new disc, Songs of Innocence. Reminds me of the early stuff. Boy, October, & War... without being those tunes with different lyrics. I also hear a bit of a "punk vibe" in this, that I haven't heard for a while from them. And am thankful for.]

Obviously, you can pray for me on this. That it goes the way it should. That we give it the proper amount of time. That wisdom prevails. See, the friend is close to someone who has meantioned wanting to kill themselves. Which is why I'm nervous. Why I want to help. It would be nice to play a small role in making sure someone doesn't end their story...before it's meant to be over. Every person counts.
I am typing this as I listen to Person of Interest. 
Reminding me of two lines: "Everyone is relevant to someone, Mrs. Groves." 
& "That's the thing about the world... it doen't come with extra pieces." both spoken by Harold Finch.

So I think, for now, I'll sign off with some words from To Write Love On Her Arms...
Your story is important.

People matter... everything else can be arranged. [or lived without]

May His grace drip from your fingers,

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