Thursday, June 12, 2014

the reason my skin feels too small......

Hello. I'm going to start with something I said to a "sister & brother" from LW.
I feel like my skin is too small for me, tonight. I'm relieved. I'm thankful..... I'm ALL over the place.
This is partly due to the fact that I drove, for the first time, a 26' long box truck. Then had to back it into a garage door, in the side of a building, in downtown Elizabethtown, Pa. It was like parking an aircraft carrier @ THE MALL. Your first thought is "WHY?".... & then we move to "how the... what.... -WAIT, huh??".
Yeah, it was a lot like that. So that was today. I did it in 2 backs, WITHOUT scraping any paint off.
Go me. I got done & I walk up to someone to get my "pick up". 3 skids. And...what song would be playing? Ain't It Fun by Paramore. See? God & I have this "thing going". Our own little "inside joking humor". Irony? yeah, we got that.
I've been this way with driving. I took Mick to visit my Aunt & Uncle, at a farm. They were home visiting from France. Staying at a farm. That had 4 wheelers. So we took some out for a spin on the dirt course they had there. I went. Then I took Mick for a ride or two. Then she asked: "will you teach me to drive one?" "Sure." I said. She gets on the front with me behind her. Stops. Looks back at me & says: "Hey, how long have you been driving one of these?" ..."ah...I don't know. How long have we been here?" Mick:"We've been here about 2 hours." Me: "about 2 hours." She just rolled her eyes & laughed. "How do you DO that? -I mean, you just pick it up & can do it." Me: "I don't come you can't?" That's the thing about gifted-ness, sometimes. If you were "born with it" you don't really know how you can "just do it". You only know that you can. It's as weird for the talented person as it is for someone who isn't gifted in that area. [it really is. It makes me think of the movie Good Will Hunting. Which has a great scene in it about explaining gifted-ness]

Ok. So the reason my skin feels too small...... Tues night was my last therapy appointment. So tonight, I was talking non stop to a couple I know from LW. I haven't talked like that in a LONG time. It's been really good.
I slowly shared that I was even in therapy with only a few people. I did so for many reasons. I share this for many reasons as well. I think it's better to be honest. I think it's important to allow each other to know we are human. Forgive the "shameless plug" here. It's good to share our Fears vs Dreams. It's good to share our accomplishments. To share our arrivals.
I have arrived... at a place where I don't need to see a therapist anymore. I liked seeing her.
I love being here. At this point. Staying up too late. Hoping my computer doesn't crash or freeze up as I type this. Hoping... that you get that I feel very hopeful right now. Hoping that if you don't feel hopeful right now..... that you will hold on. Stay alive. Long enough for hope to surprise you, too. I sit here, in my newest TWLOHA shirt. and. I. feel. good.
And I'm not sorry for feeling this way. I feel good enough that I've actually shared this fact on facebook, twitter, & my Wed evening group. Glad that one guy from group just couldn't stop telling me afterward how happy he was that I got to this point in my story. He doesn't even know what I went to therapy for. He didn't even ask. "IT" ...isn't the point. I'm healthier now. THAT'S the point.
And it's why, my skin feels too small.
I gotta run for now.
Thanks for listening.

May His grace drip from your fingers,

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