Wednesday, March 9, 2011

For Matt

I want to post on last Sun. [it was very powerful]. I also want to post on Lent.
For now though, I will post on "this week". Today is my Father's birthday. No matter how old I am, I'm still his kid. We had a wonderful weekend of being together. Lunch on Sun., ENCOUNTER on Fri., & a move on Sat.
Sadly, my friend Matt lost his father on Monday morning.
My earliest memory, is of when my mother, lost her mother, to cancer. [36 years ago, Jan 2nd...I was 4] I remember coming to her, in her room. She couldn't even speak. So I did what I saw Dad do, I held her. When Dad came home, I told Mom I was going to get him. This was the beginning of our family's "group hugs". We just held each other, for quite a while.
My Mother has an old Bible. On the blank pages she has quotes written. Like...
"This book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this book."
one of my favorites, is from after her mother died.
"Death is not the extinguishing of a flame, it is the turning off of the light, because the dawn has come."
so, hear is a poem, for Matt. [& it's ok if it takes you a while to read this poem &/or post]

to see you again

a new hole
in my life
our last good-bye
to last longer
than I would ever plan
to ache
more than expected
I say good-bye
to the shell I once knew
all the while
the real you
is no longer in there

while I bear much pain
small comfort
that you no longer experience
what is so loud to me now
in your absence
your laugh
now caught
in my memory
I hide it
in my vault
in hopes of remembering it
till I experience
outside of time
with you

here, then
is our final
I cry
I ache
I long
to see you
yet I know
that while this is
our final good-bye
I long for
our final
in a land
beyond time

B.E. Noll

songs... always seem to help me through. so, here are a few...
my favorite Rich Mullins song. [we are not as Strong as we think we are]
Karen sung this at her husband's Father's funeral [she is lead singer of Over the Rhine, her husband is co-founder] Angel Band.
Amy Grant has 2 wonderful songs that have "nursed" me through some dark days:
Better than a Hallelujah
Somewhere Down the Road
My friend Donnie doesn't like this song...when I hear it, I always think of my sister-in-law losing her twins. U2 Walk On
Chris sang this last Sun. ...I love this song [& it's forecast to rain tomorrow]
Healing Rain by Micheal W. Smith

please walk with Matt & his family tomorrow
surround them with your peace
grace, & unmeasurable, unfathomable,
indefatigable love
Thank you for sending
Jesu to die,
and yet return to life
so that death
can be put
on the endangered species list
thank you that one day
death will die
and no one will morn it's passing
thank you Yahweh
for making a land
where good-bye
is obsolete
thank you
for being you
& loving us.
please bless Matt & his family with sleep tonight
and through the coming days.

1 comment:

The Strength of Joy said...

Dear, dear Brian,
I had time to pour through your blogs today and just loved this one. How neat to walk with you through your memory book and discover what made impressions on you. I cried to read again of my mama's death and then rejoiced to look forward to seeing her again. Thanks for sharing yourself.
I love you so much. Mom