untitled need to write

[I don't know why this image grabs me of late]

As I travel
down this strange path
I wonder if the safest way
is shut
I wonder
if I've wondered too far off
as a song replays several of it's lines
hauntingly to me
questioning me
"what do you want?
what do you want?..."
dancing it's way around my head
have I burned a bridge?
is it the wrong one?
am I the one:
"...get your head out of the mud, baby.."
was written for?
is this You, asking?
am I in a zoo?
[is it of my own creation?]
are some of my thoughts
not thought out enough?
a man speaks on Sun.
he speaks my language
the language of music
the language of song
am I a song?
is my story/song a good one?
can you use it?
in our dance...
am I trying to lead?
or have I finally let you lead
or am I full of led?
it's from you
I wish to be fed
even if everyone else thinks
the things you use on me are wrong
I've never found you to make a mistake
[even though I've felt like one]
well...
while I'm dropping lines from a song
I want to be like the girl at the end
as long as the dreams I have are
written by you
in a "g clef" or just as a story
I really want my story
to be in harmony with your great story
my song to be in harmony
with your "theme of the cosmos"
[..& yeah, I "wanna dream out loud"...]

by b.e. noll
[with lyric lines borrowed from the U2 song: Zooropa]

For Matt

I want to post on last Sun. [it was very powerful]. I also want to post on Lent.
For now though, I will post on "this week". Today is my Father's birthday. No matter how old I am, I'm still his kid. We had a wonderful weekend of being together. Lunch on Sun., ENCOUNTER on Fri., & a move on Sat.
Sadly, my friend Matt lost his father on Monday morning.
My earliest memory, is of when my mother, lost her mother, to cancer. [36 years ago, Jan 2nd...I was 4] I remember coming to her, in her room. She couldn't even speak. So I did what I saw Dad do, I held her. When Dad came home, I told Mom I was going to get him. This was the beginning of our family's "group hugs". We just held each other, for quite a while.
My Mother has an old Bible. On the blank pages she has quotes written. Like...
"This book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this book."
one of my favorites, is from after her mother died.
"Death is not the extinguishing of a flame, it is the turning off of the light, because the dawn has come."
so, hear is a poem, for Matt. [& it's ok if it takes you a while to read this poem &/or post]

to see you again

a new hole
in my life
you
absent
our last good-bye
to last longer
than I would ever plan
to ache
more than expected
I say good-bye
to the shell I once knew
knowing
all the while
the real you
is no longer in there

while I bear much pain
small comfort
that you no longer experience
what is so loud to me now
in your absence
your laugh
now caught
in my memory
I hide it
in my vault
in hopes of remembering it
till I experience
time
outside of time
with you

this
here, then
is our final
good-bye
I cry
I ache
I long
to see you
yet I know
that while this is
our final good-bye
I long for
our final
hello
in a land
beyond time

B.E. Noll

songs... always seem to help me through. so, here are a few...
my favorite Rich Mullins song. [we are not as Strong as we think we are]
Karen sung this at her husband's Father's funeral [she is lead singer of Over the Rhine, her husband is co-founder] Angel Band.
Amy Grant has 2 wonderful songs that have "nursed" me through some dark days:
Better than a Hallelujah
Somewhere Down the Road
My friend Donnie doesn't like this song...when I hear it, I always think of my sister-in-law losing her twins. U2 Walk On
Chris sang this last Sun. ...I love this song [& it's forecast to rain tomorrow]
Healing Rain by Micheal W. Smith

Yahweh,
please walk with Matt & his family tomorrow
surround them with your peace
grace, & unmeasurable, unfathomable,
indefatigable love
Thank you for sending
Jesu to die,
and yet return to life
so that death
can be put
on the endangered species list
thank you that one day
death will die
and no one will morn it's passing
thank you Yahweh
for making a land
where good-bye
is obsolete
thank you
for being you
& loving us.
please bless Matt & his family with sleep tonight
and through the coming days.
amen.

Dad also writes [just not often]. and Encounter

hey, a quick note to family & friends. on page 15 of the above booklet is an article on his latest trip to Guatemala. Written by my Dad. it'll probably be in pdf format soon on LW's "art @ LW blog" in the near future.
Dad, Thanks for writing.
LW thanks for sending [thank you to those who went with him].
Yahweh, thanks for keeping him safe.
DeAnn, thanks for asking him to write, & printing it.

My Dad doesn't write often... I get any writing ability from both of my parents, though. Yeah, I'm a proud...child.
Thankful... for both of my Dads [my Earthly one, & my Heavenly one]

Enounter was wonderful!! I need to get some sleep, yet as I experienced tonight's encounter, I thought of 3 songs from Neal Morse's One disc. Which has an overarching theme of The Creation, fall, & redemption of mankind.
enjoy...
Cradle to the grave [featuring Phil Keaggy]
Parts of this song seem like I wrote them.
"sometimes I wonder, why I was born at all..."
Father of forgiveness
Sung from the father of the prodigal's standpoint.
"who's that
up the road?
the child who went
his own
way
is back
among the living
let's take him back
to the beginning..."

Reunion
I've seen Christ's followers fight each other ...a lot. So I really love the last part,
"on our knee's, with open arms, we worship in one spirit....
make us one." It's a very celebratory song...

May His grace drip from your fingers,
B

"Lending Dad"

My Dad has been going on short term missions trips for a few years now. It does make me nervous sometimes. However, he always seems so energized when he comes home. He will be in one of the booklets that will [hopefully] come out on Fri. night. Talking about his experience in Guatemala.

When you’re gone
I miss you
when you go
I miss your activity
the way you move
like a hummingbird
without wings
Your laugh
the way you lead group
your hugs
I’m glad I get to
share the blessing
of your concern for others
your energy
and “get up ‘n go”
your helping others to feel a part of things
yet
I do miss you
I welcome you back
with open arms
a glad heart
and a
“Thank you Yahweh
for bringing him safely back to me” [-us]
a thank you
to Yahweh
for ever sharing you
with me at all

B.E. Noll

I keep forgetting

I keep forgetting to link my photo blog to this one.
So here's my latest post from last Sat.
B