an "ode" to Mom

Last night I spoke about my Dad to my Growth Group [they asked each one to share about their Dad]. to quote "Weird Al" "awe man, I hate it when I'm right"
I began with: "No matter what I say, or how many hours I talk, I'll be leaving so much out..."
This is true of both of my Dads. [my Earthly one, & my Heavenly One] I don't talk much about either of my parents, because I know that some of you never knew your parents... & some of you, sadly, wish you didn't. I'll try to talk about them both, on occasion. Hopefully this will not be hard for anyone. Tonight, to compliment last night, I will talk about just one part of my Mother. Something she gave to me, both in experiences, & DNA. Music. My love of piano, is totally my Mom's fault! I can remember her practicing for hours. "Mom, play the one that goes..." She plays Holy, Holy, Holy where she changes the mood for each verse, it's so cool. Somber for the crucifixion, the triumphant rising & returning for us [I can almost hear her playing it now].
I'm trying to work up the nerve to write a poem a day for 100 days. So...

When did we first meet?
when did I first
lay ears on you?
when did you float on the air toward me?
I just don’t remember
I know it was long ago
crawling on the floor
under the grand piano
at someone’s house
mother playing favorites
pop, classical memories
as her fingers waltzed across the ivories
Hymns, Themes to shows
later she would “accompany me”
during my guitar practices
below her
in the basement
I guess
thanks to Mom
I will always enjoy music
I will always have a soft spot in my heart
for the piano
it doesn’t matter
who I’m listening to
Rick Wakeman
Neal Morse or
Chick Corea
a cousin,
or even a stranger in a mall
even the smell of a piano
brings back memories
so many memories
thanks Mom

by B.E. Noll

As for the smell of pianos. My Grandfather [Mom's Dad] tuned pianos for years, by ear...

this is based on a conversation I had just this evening...

Why I don’t Love You

Why don’t I love you?
…let me explain the ways
I don’t love you for your hair
you may lose it
or choose to give it up
[“take it all off”]
I don’t love you for your smile
your brain may one day forget how to make one
I don’t love you for your physique
[though it is quite unique]
because it may “go down”
before the sun does
perhaps even on this very day
your eyes though they may twinkle
over some favorite doughnut [sprinkle?]
I don’t love you for them
[they only see part of me,
as mine only see part of you]
No
these are the ways I do not love you
if I care for you
it’s not really much based
on what my eyes “behold”
for that is just what your soul wears
“soul clothes”
you might say
…but it’s the thin part of you
it’s not the meat
it’s not the best part
the best part is
talking
“hanging”
how you express yourself
how you are ok
with me expressing myself
you don’t need to like everything I like
or like it as much as me
even if we both
write poetry
you will be you
and I
me
real friends let you
just be
and freely enjoy

ENCOUNTER [with drums... an a challenge]

I just got home from ENCOUNTER. WOW. I loved the drums! Encounter is an evening of worship at LW. I listened to my King Crimson "Double Drums" concert this week in anticipation. The evening went way beyond what I expected. As tonight drew near I was flooded with some interesting thoughts. I have been enjoying praise music, as well as "music for Him", or... I might call it "music for US". On the way home I couldn't help sing along to Magnificent by U2. "...I was born, I was born, to sing for you. I didn't have a choice, but to lift you up, & sing whatever song, you wanted me to. I give you back my voice. From the womb... Justified, till we die, you & I will magnify, oh The Magnificent..." I've been reading some of my favorite Psalms...[from The Message]

Psalm 8

A David Psalm

God, brilliant Lord, yours is a household name.
Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;
toddlers shout the songs
That drown out enemy talk,
and silence atheist babble.

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
your handmade sky-jewelry,
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
Why take a second look our way?

Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods,
bright with Eden's dawn light.
You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
repeated to us your Genesis-charge,
Made us lords of sheep and cattle,
even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
whales singing in the ocean deeps.

God, brilliant Lord,
your name echoes around the world.

[this is just one, 2 others are Psalm 4, & Psalm 98 -which is where a playlist I have "98 to infinity" gets it's name]

Anyway, The drummers came out, some from the back of the auditorium. They played buckets. I've seen it done... just not in church! I loved that 3 of our worship team spoke. [Chris, Connie, & Gordon] I may post of things they spoke about, very wonderful. However this post is getting long. LW's art gallery had it's opening tonight as well. I loved the paintings. Bright almost neon colors in some. The textures of others. ...and a challenge. The artist, Melody Hogan, was challenged to paint, a new painting, everyday, for 100 days. ...wow, so I had to ask: "was it hard?" [duh] She said it was very hard. She had friends encourage her to keep pressing on, to push through to the end... I may try this. Not with painting! No I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm thinking of it from perhaps a blog or poem standpoint. [mostly I feel a prompt to write poems] 100 days -in a row! ...I'm thinking about it. I'm praying about it. I'll let you know [probably whether I like telling you or not, huh? -since you'll pick up on my choice here]
I'm going to post some songs that have been resonating this week on Blipfm. [oh, I'm on there as b'slandscapesofaudio which is "B's Landscapes of Audio"]
now... for something that's been going through my head all day... since I heard the U2 classic "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" on the radio earlier.........

Uncovered
by the call

You surround me
covered
you seduce
my soul
all my fears
uncovered
as my life
unfolds
in the warmth
of your heart
you awake my senses
I was torn
in doubt
loosing all defenses
when you called
me out
i return
to the heart
of a love
eternal
waiting there
for me

"...Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break
Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much You'd already done..."
-sometimes by step by Rich Mullins from The World as Best as I can remember it vol. 2.
if there is nothing new under the sun, then this is the world as best as I can remember it...

the end of the night, when the drummers came back out for sometimes by step, reminded me of a story of a friend seeing Mullins perform "I see You" as the concert ending song. The crowd was so into it that: as the musicians, one by one, left the stage, they kept singing. Then Mullins left, & they kept right on singing that song...out of the auditorium, while picking up their coats... you didn't stop hearing the chorus -even in the parking lot, until you closed your car door... cool,huh.
oh... & the playing buckets, I saw [& met, actually] Rich Mullins play "Screen door" on those old Moose cups from Hardee's, in a similar fashion. makes me think of another Mullins tune... "...& you never know who God is gonna use, a princess or a baby, or maybe even you, & me..."

"...like a desert needs rain, like a town needs a name, I need Your love...
like coming home, & you don't know where you've been, like black coffee, like nicotine, I need Your love..."

[to the tune of "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"...]
....and you're still
what I find
I was looking for
more beautiful
than what I put there
in your place before...

...thank you oh God, for drums... & for the people who play them...
thank you oh God, for songs
...& for the people who write & play them...
thank you oh God,
for being You,
& loving me....
I could write a million poems,
& I'd only be getting started
on how wonderful You are.......

a poem for now...

I mentioned on facebook, that I would write a post on Anthropomorphism. All I can say is I'm working on it. Till then I thought I'd post a poem, since it's been way too long since I have put one up here...

What no one wants
[what everyone needs]

No one
wants to be
the leftover
No one wants the world to know
that they want
to be wanted
no one wants the world to know
that they’ve ever been
“unwantable”
we need to have someone tell us
show us
that we have value
truth is
every time we feel
unvalued
is an eternity
from blogs
to twitter
to facebook
to flickr
to what-ever-is-next
we need people to tell us
that we don’t just take up
space on this planet
I hear it online
on TV
in poems
in stories
in songs
for some that I’ve met,
“hung with”,
had deep conversations with,
the story
is indeed
in your eyes
but the story doesn’t have to be over
it certainly doesn’t have to end there
in the loneliness


it’s a big thing to ask
but my hope
in blogging
writing,
sharing,
photos,
stories,
or whatever else
is that
you don’t feel so alone
or quite so broken
mostly that even if you feel these things
from time to time
that you are not the only one
-like me-
you just think you are sometimes
[& you’re not as alone as you think…]
by B. E. Noll

I don't know if this fits, but I like this song...
If Everyone cared.

To add to the text from the video:
Jamie Tworkowski wanted to keep in touch with & encourage a girl who was addicted to pills, alcohol, & self injury. He wrote her story, & used the title for a myspace page.
not only did she keep in touch... others sent messages thanking him for bringing this into the light.
To Write Love on Her Arms is now a world wide movement. To raise awareness for self injury, depression, & suicide.
...oh, Renee Yohe [the girl] has been sober for about 3 years.