My three favorite X-men.

They would be: James Howlett III, also known as Logan, & The Wolverine.

The thing is, I see the X-men partly from the standpoint of flaws made to look attractive. Wolverine gives you an idea what it's like to have PTSD. He's always waiting for someone to try to kill him. When he feels threatened, his claws come out. I so get this it's not funny. Probably because my abuser always surprised me with his desire to "go down that path". Wolverine also wasn't born with the steal on his bones & claws. [called Adamantium] It was an experiment done to him later on. I also felt "experimented on". So I have felt like him a bit. Like if he were real, we'd understand each other.
It's why I "jump" sometimes at LW when people touch me. My "jumpiness" is my mind overriding my body's natural desire to defend itself. I learned to do that because of the negative, abusive touch I used to get. It doesn't always happen. Yet it can happen when I least expect it to. I almost broke a friend's neck in a grocery store checkout line, once. Not fun. Though, he never walks up behind me anymore... So I'm nervous about myself at times.

I mentioned talking about Kurt Wagner, also known as Nightcrawler, when I posted a drawing of him on Pinterest. Nightcrawler is the one X-man who believes in God. Ironic, huh? He looks like a blue devil.

I've often felt like I might as well look like that when I've been around some people who are Christians or believers, worshipers of God. Not all of them "get me". I'm "out there" as far as they are concerned. I like things they think I shouldn't. I hang with people they don't think I should even acknowledge. Honestly, I tried to be what they wanted... & I never felt so far from God in my life. So I stopped. I just tried to become what ...[it's a bit scary to say it like this. Though I don't know how else to say it] I simply tried to draw close to him. To be what he wanted. When I walk alone in nature...I feel like he walks with me. Ok... that was weird. yet still true. Same with the movies I watch, music I listen to....

I also liked a line from X2 [the film X2: X-men united]

"You know... outside of the circus. People were afraid of me, but I didn't hate them. Do you know why? Because most people will never understand anything beyond what they can see with their own two eyes."

Then there is Dr. Hank McCoy. Also known as Beast. Lately I feel a bit of an unusual connection to him. See, he's been drawn differently in comics. From series to series. Even within a series depending on who draws him. He was originally Caucasian. Just like in X-men: First Class. Then he was blue skinned. Then he tried to change his skin color back, it didn't work. He became "cat like". He has been described as having a sort of fluctuating DNA. So every so often his appearance changes. Thus the 3 different versions of him from X3, to First Class, to the last film Days of Future Past. These are 2 of my favorite versions of him.

As my life goes on, I feel like there are times of "monumental change". Though more thought process, emotional, behavioral changes than my body becoming wholly different. So I feel a connection to these 3 X-men. Strange as that may seem.

So I think that'll be it for tonight.

I wrote a much longer intro to this... yet I'm not sure I like that part. I want to write to Jamie about a post he put on instagram...yet, I'm not sure how good of an idea that would be.

May His grace drip from your fingers,

B