there's something about "it"

Ok. So this is a bit uncomfortable for me to "put out there". I was inspired by a story behind a song, to write this next poem. I guess this might be a "beauty & the beast" post. I'd like to think that at least the picture is pretty & calming. Hope it isn't too harsh for you...

it
consumed me
it
was a pale
that all the pieces of me
were kept in
my definition
the bench I sat on
the corner
I disappeared into
it
was all that & more
it
had a receipt
like it owned me
or something
it
had no beginning
& no end
from horizon
to horizon
as far as I was willing to look
it
was there
like graffiti
on my soul
nasty
hopeless
graffiti
the opposite of the cool stuff
Red:1 does
I was never gonna be free from

or get away from
it
somehow…
I had to
cause I’m never gonna
BE
anything
until I escape
it
so I did
I wrote
I carved into paper
my anger
I verbally “threw up”
into notebooks
I rubbed my own blood into them
to kill
it
to silence
it
to “jack it up”
 against
the spine
of my notebook
“you want a piece of this?!?!
come & get it”
“bring it”
cause one of us
has to die
I don’t care if it’s me
just
don’t think I’m gonna
lie there & wait
no
you want to kill me
get in shape boy
you’ll need to
…so
then it was
it or me
wasn’t easy
wasn’t fun
wasn’t short enough
…
with some help
and prayers from many
now
Just me.
it
is dead.

by b.e. noll
 
I took this picture on our Sunday walk @ my Uncle's cabin. In Reed's Gap State Park.