broken poems

Just sitting here

as I am
my mind is awash
in the sea of names
of people who are
praying for my family
the gladness of having
a group of people
praying,
caring,
for us
I find myself thankful
for Living Word
the people
the care,
grace,
& love
that cannot be avoided there
the ability
to learn
without being trampled on
or
jacked-up against the wall,
to "make me" into something
...that I'm just not
Thankful
for Jesus
wanting me
in spite of...
"the long & painful list"
of who I'm not,
what I have done,
what
I haven't



Yahweh,
Jesu,
Holy Spirit...
all
I want
is you
you are...
the only one
who can withstand
the storms
that rage [have raged] inside of me
the only one
who knows who
I am
& loves me anyway
I want YOU
I need you
so bad
I can taste it
You are
what I was looking for
I tried to purchase "you"
I tried to climb to you
I tried to rebel against everyone
to see you
to think incredible thoughts
so I could understand you
I tried to be everyone's friend
everyone's anything
Yet, you have been here
all along
Loving me
I
do not deserve
you
I'm glad you still want me
want to live with me
in me
through me
because
I want you
I need you
you
are what makes me
worth anything
If I am fun,
it's your fault
If I am intelligent,
it's your fault
If I am great
at anything
it's your fault
...
I'm saved
it's your fault
I will live forever,
it's your fault
I have the greatest parents,
it's your fault
poems,
photography,
it's your fault
without you
what would be worth looking at?
without you
why write anything?

thank you, Jesu
for being you,
& loving me
b.e. noll

well, another poem will be published in LW's inklings booklet. I'll link to it when it comes online.
Sorry for the fragmentedness of these. I just needed to write tonight. Now, I should go. I've been on here a bit too long.