12 poems of Christmas? ["day" 7]

Last night I kind of "hit a wall". I had a minor meltdown. Seems funny now. I realize what I wanted, would make me miserable if I got it. Some "gifts" we ask for are like that.
Tonight, I wasn't sure I could keep my 12 poems project going. Which, in a way, is also funny. No one's going to "hunt me down" if I can't do it one night. It fits into that old joke. "It isn't a 'final exam'. Now, if they took you out back & shot you if you failed, that would be a FINAL exam." I'm trying to prepare room for my sister-in-law. Well, that's my excuse anyway. I just need things cleaned up around here. Mick & I sat down to kinda run through our plans for Fri. Sat. & Sun. What thing will be like, Maria coming on Tues. [and praying she doesn't get stranded anywhere on her way here]

Talked to a friend today, which influenced my poem tonight...

preparing

So much
goes into Christmas
hard to believe
it began in a barn
me
I think I’m immune
to all the
“holiday mayhem”
then
in the blink of an eye
I’m right in the middle of
Pastor Steve’s talk this morning
all
self enthroned
with what I want
why do we do this?
why do I?
walking around
like the world owes us something
I think the world
really does owe me something
and I’m learning to
thank God that he hasn’t
let the world give it to me
I have a feeling it won’t be as grand
as I’d like to think it should be
-and me
of all people
my life has had
darkness
ugliness
in it,
sure
ugly enough
I’m not comfortable sharing
BUT
I have so much more
than so many
I’m sure
many people would buy me
all kinds of things
to get
what I have
because no store
sells
what I have
a loving wife
a loving family
loving parents
through my dear sweet Mick
I have sisters,
a brother,
nieces
Wal-mart doesn’t sell these
…
there is a throne
in my heart
and I need to be
kneeling in front of it
not sitting on it
someone far more
selfless needs to sit there
“… let every heart
prepare him room..”
the song says
I think
I need him in every square inch
of my heart
maybe I need to give him a skeleton key?
you know,
“All access”
I’m glad for second chances
I seem
to keep
right on
needing them

b.e. noll


oh, & I liked family circus today...