Thought I'd post here of my excitement for The Four Holy Gospels. It features paintings by Makoto Fujimura. The only other book I've ever heard of that does this is The Book of Kells. Which is an actual book. I think it's roughly 400 years old. Both have paintings representing the four Gospels [Mathew, Mark, Luke, & John]. I currently have only seen pictures of the covers of such books. And the photos of the paintings from the Book of Kells that appear in Iona's album of the same name. Hearts & Minds has a wonderful post about the book here. You can also go to Mr. Fujimura's website & watch a video/ interview here. When I get it, I may give some thoughts on this work later on...
May His grace drip from your fingers,
B
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Valentine's Day & a song 4 a friend
Well. So much to say about Valentine's Day. I used to hate this holiday -even after being married! I'm not into being "made to do something". I should not need a day to remember to "date" my wife. Ok, you get how I felt. Now, though, it's more of "another chance to" spoil her. An "excuse" to come up with a unique, romantic way to show her how important she is. [as only a "strange romantic" like me can scheme it] I took a net of white Christmas lights & hung it from the ceiling of our unfinished basement. hooked up the really old Harmen/Karden receiver & four speakers to my TV/VCR/DVD through the TV's headphone jack. So we'll go down there, probably Fri. night & watch another concert. I scored tix to Brad Paisley in Hershey for this Thurs. He is a really good guitar player, & if he lived here & wasn't famous, we'd get along fine. He has a similar sense of humor to me. However, truthfully, [sorry Brad] I have to confess, I'm really not a "big Brad Paisley fan". I'm a big fan of a Brad Paisley fan.
That's what love does, though. It doesn't say "your mine" so much... it says "I'm yours" [often without the use of lips & vocal chords].
Well, for Mom... & for a struggling friend. Here are the many videos, & lyrics of the closing song from Sun. morning... first video, second, with may J. Blige
ONE
by U2, from the cd: Achtung Baby
Is it getting better,
or
do you feel the same?
Will it
make it easier on
you, now
you got someone to blame?
You say
one love,
one life,
when it's one need
in the night.
One love,
we get to share it
Leaves you baby
if you
don't care for it.
Did I disappoint you
or leave a bad taste
in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
and you want me to go without.
Well, it's
too late
tonight
to drag the past out
into the light.
We're one,
but we're
not the same.
We get to
carry each other,
carry each other...
one
Have you come here
for forgiveness,
Have you come
to raise
the dead?
Have you come here
to play Jesus
to the lepers in your head?
Did I ask too much,
more than a lot
You gave me nothing,
now it's
all I got.
We're one,
but we're
not the same.
Well, we
hurt each other,
then we do it again.
You say
love is a temple,
love a higher law
Love is a temple,
love the higher law.
You ask me
to enter,
but then you make me crawl
And I can't
be holding on
to what you got,
when all you got is hurt.
One love,
one blood,
one life,
you got to do what you should.
One life
with each other:
sisters,
brothers.
One life,
but we're
not the same.
We get to
carry each other,
carry each other.
One,
one.
personal history.
I came to this song first as a song to be sung to "religious people". There are many who just don't like me because I... "see life through a radically different lens". Recently re-listening to the whole disc, Acrobat is a song that also works for me from that time. [a pre- LW era, time. which is where the King's X lyric from a previous post is coming from as well]
Now this got old. Achtung Baby is an album that I got rid of for a while. It came out as my world seemed to be burning down. It became a soundtrack for that. I saw all the songs as about what/who I was loosing [& it never occurred to me, that I should maybe be glad...until much later on].
Only in recent times have I begun healing on a "story wide" level, & can see the songs in different ways & get more meaning out of them. It doesn't seem as dark "this time around". As I have listened to one in a marriage "sense", it seemed wrong for a song about marriage, yet the second video for the song lends itself to a "marriage image". I also see the whole disc as being about marriage.
I currently get to hear one side of a struggling marriage. A marriage ...trying not to die, while not sure if it wants to live. Full of painful questions...& doubt. Some look at my parents & think that they "make marriage look easy". Nothing worth anything, is ever easy. We don't write songs about people who did things that were easy. We don't stand up & cheer for people who did things that anybody could have done. We stand up & cheer for people who faced darkness, doubt, fear, false accusations, painful life experiences... And they said I will not be defined by this. I will not stand by & just let this continue. I will not take the easy way out.
People ask: "any good quotes on marriage?"
My Mother asked me this on my wedding day. I'm sorry that only in the past year or 2 can I truly say "YES" to it.
"Don't marry her, because you can live with her.
Don't marry her, because you can't live without her.
marry her, because no one will love her like you will."
[I've told Mickey many times, in tears, the only man who loves you more than me...
has holes in his hands]
Love is not a woman walking down the aisle in a white dress,
it's kneeling next to the toilet, @ 3:30 in the morning,
with her hair in 1 hand, & a towel to wipe her mouth in the other.
Love isn't pretty, it's pretty necessary. We all need it [whether we say so... or not].
Pastor Steve has 2 of my favorite sayings on love:
#1. If you are better tomorrow than you were today, God won't love you any more,
and if you are worse tomorrow than you are today he won't love you any less. Because God loves you to the maximum.
#2. It may be a "match made in heaven", but it has to be lived out here on Earth.
to anyone struggling tonight, hang in there. It is worth it [& so are you]
Bono says it better here...
May his grace drip from your fingers,
B
That's what love does, though. It doesn't say "your mine" so much... it says "I'm yours" [often without the use of lips & vocal chords].
Well, for Mom... & for a struggling friend. Here are the many videos, & lyrics of the closing song from Sun. morning... first video, second, with may J. Blige
ONE
by U2, from the cd: Achtung Baby
Is it getting better,
or
do you feel the same?
Will it
make it easier on
you, now
you got someone to blame?
You say
one love,
one life,
when it's one need
in the night.
One love,
we get to share it
Leaves you baby
if you
don't care for it.
Did I disappoint you
or leave a bad taste
in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
and you want me to go without.
Well, it's
too late
tonight
to drag the past out
into the light.
We're one,
but we're
not the same.
We get to
carry each other,
carry each other...
one
Have you come here
for forgiveness,
Have you come
to raise
the dead?
Have you come here
to play Jesus
to the lepers in your head?
Did I ask too much,
more than a lot
You gave me nothing,
now it's
all I got.
We're one,
but we're
not the same.
Well, we
hurt each other,
then we do it again.
You say
love is a temple,
love a higher law
Love is a temple,
love the higher law.
You ask me
to enter,
but then you make me crawl
And I can't
be holding on
to what you got,
when all you got is hurt.
One love,
one blood,
one life,
you got to do what you should.
One life
with each other:
sisters,
brothers.
One life,
but we're
not the same.
We get to
carry each other,
carry each other.
One,
one.
personal history.
I came to this song first as a song to be sung to "religious people". There are many who just don't like me because I... "see life through a radically different lens". Recently re-listening to the whole disc, Acrobat is a song that also works for me from that time. [a pre- LW era, time. which is where the King's X lyric from a previous post is coming from as well]
Now this got old. Achtung Baby is an album that I got rid of for a while. It came out as my world seemed to be burning down. It became a soundtrack for that. I saw all the songs as about what/who I was loosing [& it never occurred to me, that I should maybe be glad...until much later on].
Only in recent times have I begun healing on a "story wide" level, & can see the songs in different ways & get more meaning out of them. It doesn't seem as dark "this time around". As I have listened to one in a marriage "sense", it seemed wrong for a song about marriage, yet the second video for the song lends itself to a "marriage image". I also see the whole disc as being about marriage.
I currently get to hear one side of a struggling marriage. A marriage ...trying not to die, while not sure if it wants to live. Full of painful questions...& doubt. Some look at my parents & think that they "make marriage look easy". Nothing worth anything, is ever easy. We don't write songs about people who did things that were easy. We don't stand up & cheer for people who did things that anybody could have done. We stand up & cheer for people who faced darkness, doubt, fear, false accusations, painful life experiences... And they said I will not be defined by this. I will not stand by & just let this continue. I will not take the easy way out.
People ask: "any good quotes on marriage?"
My Mother asked me this on my wedding day. I'm sorry that only in the past year or 2 can I truly say "YES" to it.
"Don't marry her, because you can live with her.
Don't marry her, because you can't live without her.
marry her, because no one will love her like you will."
[I've told Mickey many times, in tears, the only man who loves you more than me...
has holes in his hands]
Love is not a woman walking down the aisle in a white dress,
it's kneeling next to the toilet, @ 3:30 in the morning,
with her hair in 1 hand, & a towel to wipe her mouth in the other.
Love isn't pretty, it's pretty necessary. We all need it [whether we say so... or not].
Pastor Steve has 2 of my favorite sayings on love:
#1. If you are better tomorrow than you were today, God won't love you any more,
and if you are worse tomorrow than you are today he won't love you any less. Because God loves you to the maximum.
#2. It may be a "match made in heaven", but it has to be lived out here on Earth.
to anyone struggling tonight, hang in there. It is worth it [& so are you]
Bono says it better here...
May his grace drip from your fingers,
B
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
a song of Lament
Steve Garber mentioned that the church needs songs of lament. Steve, here are 2 of my favorites...
Hold Dearly To Me
(by Michael Roe, from the disc “Safe as Milk”)
what do you do
when you're in total frustration Lord?
what do you do
when you're in total despair?
what can you say
when you dial that number
and the only person you want to talk to is never really,
really quite there?
this person
cannot bring me happiness
this person
cannot bring me joy
Gracious God lift me higher,
let me see your beautiful face
i gotta know
who my true friends are
and where's my home sweet home
many nights i've wandered
alone down this street of pain
many days i've stumbled
out into the darkness of daylight
many years i've wandered,
wondering just where i'll end up
in a festering heap of flames
or a shivering cold
cold night
good God almighty
scoop me up
and set me free
let me walk in Your forgiveness
make a man out of me
Lord i've been jumping at shadows,
like a snake
i've been eating my tail
let me trip,
let me stumble but
please
please don't let me fail
i'm a fly by night,
i'm a dog by day
i've got a room full of beautiful memories
growing old and in the way
i got a heart that's been broken
over and over again
some by lovers, some by brothers, but
most of all by my own dirty little hands
let me sit at your holy feet,
let me count the hard cost
of what is right and what is wrong,
of who is kind and
who can only be the boss
let me lie awake
and seek the truth from thy holy face
out of the holy mouth thundering forth
out of the holy place
let me walk
stand and talk
with the mind of one given over
only to the things
that i know you hold dear
let me soften my heart,
let me harden my footsteps
as i press toward the mark of
your safe place
without any fear
hold dearly to me
hold dearly to me
hide me,
drape me,
closely and safely Lord
Hold
I Need God
(by Michael Roe, also from “Safe as Milk”)
i
need God
in all
the familiar places
that this lonely
heart
of mine embraces
oh
i
need God
well i
need God
but i've wandered
so far away
more and more
each and
every day
i
go astray
well, his open arms
reach out to me
longing and begging
to set me
free
will i reach out
and take them
or turn away
forsake them?
no,
no,
no...
well, i
need God
but i wonder
if He can still
hear me
and if so,
won't
You please
draw near to me
oh,
please, please God
I was going to add an old poem I wrote. However, I have yet to find it. So, perhaps I'll post it when I do. I wrote it shortly after the Amish school shooting. I used to live in Lancaster, PA when I was young. I only remember the title off the top of my head.
I called it: "Why must the children die?".
I have many thoughts on Valetine's day. They are in the "collection & sort through them" stage right now, though...
May His grace drip from your fingers,
B
Saturday, February 5, 2011
today
Went to "The Summit" today. My Babe [1 of the 50 some nick names I have given my wife] went with me, which made it so much cooler. We did separate for the afternoon sessions. [Thanks Heather & Jen for sitting with her through those!] It was very good for me. Steve Garber seems like someone I would hang with. Eventually asking what movies he's seen lately & liked as well as who is musically grabbing his attention. I like finding people who allow God to speak to them through very unexpected places. From children's movies, to Marvel movies, to mainstream musicians, to art, to books. I smiled as he played 40 by U2 & later on I had a very strong reaction to him playing The Fray's You Found Me. If I dig, I might find a post on here where I wrote a poem kind of "brought out" by the song. It was sad to hear that some musicians have had bad experiences with the church being opposed to the way they write &/or play. Saying that God can't be in or happy with it. I've had my own bad experiences with people within the church in a similar regard. I even had a rather harsh conversation with a Senior Pastor once. [Not @ LW, not Pastor Steve] I hate to be forceful with people, yet sometimes you kind of have to speak the truth firmly to some people. Then hope that later on they become glad you did. I've had it work that way, it doesn't make it easier to do, though. I'm definitely "not a fan" of it.
Today has made me wonder... is/are my blogs, poems, photography my vocation?
What eternal significance does my writing on here have?
You can answer...yet I really want an answer from Yahweh. Truthfully, is this from/ for him?
Another question to ponder, came from the last session. Steve spoke of Issac [from The Fray] wondering about writing darker songs. Steve questioned us on it, LW's own DeAnn even spoke of people being receptive to our more painful poems. Why is that?
I find it so..."strangely inexplicable" that when we share [in story, song, talk, poetry] our own broken messiness, our scars, our longings, our hurts, our hopes that lie unfulfilled...we find a line from Message in a Bottle to really be true: "a hundred million bottles cast upon the shore. seems I'm not alone at being alone, a hundred million cast aways, looking for a home..."
the painful part of this is our hurts... are often what we have in common. Pain is, can be, common ground. Issac sings something...& suddenly I can feel like "yeah, ...me too. I've felt that way." or he has found a way to say, with the proper expressiveness, what I feel. Or... he says something I long to hear from someone close to me. The oddness is we don't share because we feel that people will see the real me, and decide "oh, ah, no good bye. I don't want to be near you now that I know ____ about you." When it is in this knowledge that we more often go "you get me". [and now I think I've said the same thing twice, I say again...] My other session was very confirming that I am in a vocational/ career change. Now I need to do the steps she mentioned. So as to keep moving forward.
I'm still sorting through a great many things here.
Before I go...my mood is steadily improving. I'm becoming easier to get along with again. My stomach is settling down again. I'm returning to my rhythm, slowly. Breathing is better than ever.
You found me really hits me in it's chorus.
"you found me
lying on the floor"
I've been in moments where I was just lying on the floor, or ground. Unable, sometimes unwilling to move. Hoping not to be found. I've had a few people who have done some really self absorbed & cruel things to me. Others, whom I've told a few details to, say they want to hurt the ones who were cruel to me.
being cruel to someone, doesn't erase the cruelty that they've done, to someone else.
today, as I think of this, I was reminded of a few lines from a King's X tune, called Charlie Sheen [which I don't think has anything to do with the actor]
"...and you can have your reasons
for the bloody war
but I don't wanna hate you
for what your not sorry for..."
sorry this is all over the place, and without a closing poem...
Today has made me wonder... is/are my blogs, poems, photography my vocation?
What eternal significance does my writing on here have?
You can answer...yet I really want an answer from Yahweh. Truthfully, is this from/ for him?
Another question to ponder, came from the last session. Steve spoke of Issac [from The Fray] wondering about writing darker songs. Steve questioned us on it, LW's own DeAnn even spoke of people being receptive to our more painful poems. Why is that?
I find it so..."strangely inexplicable" that when we share [in story, song, talk, poetry] our own broken messiness, our scars, our longings, our hurts, our hopes that lie unfulfilled...we find a line from Message in a Bottle to really be true: "a hundred million bottles cast upon the shore. seems I'm not alone at being alone, a hundred million cast aways, looking for a home..."
the painful part of this is our hurts... are often what we have in common. Pain is, can be, common ground. Issac sings something...& suddenly I can feel like "yeah, ...me too. I've felt that way." or he has found a way to say, with the proper expressiveness, what I feel. Or... he says something I long to hear from someone close to me. The oddness is we don't share because we feel that people will see the real me, and decide "oh, ah, no good bye. I don't want to be near you now that I know ____ about you." When it is in this knowledge that we more often go "you get me". [and now I think I've said the same thing twice, I say again...] My other session was very confirming that I am in a vocational/ career change. Now I need to do the steps she mentioned. So as to keep moving forward.
I'm still sorting through a great many things here.
Before I go...my mood is steadily improving. I'm becoming easier to get along with again. My stomach is settling down again. I'm returning to my rhythm, slowly. Breathing is better than ever.
You found me really hits me in it's chorus.
"you found me
lying on the floor"
I've been in moments where I was just lying on the floor, or ground. Unable, sometimes unwilling to move. Hoping not to be found. I've had a few people who have done some really self absorbed & cruel things to me. Others, whom I've told a few details to, say they want to hurt the ones who were cruel to me.
being cruel to someone, doesn't erase the cruelty that they've done, to someone else.
today, as I think of this, I was reminded of a few lines from a King's X tune, called Charlie Sheen [which I don't think has anything to do with the actor]
"...and you can have your reasons
for the bloody war
but I don't wanna hate you
for what your not sorry for..."
sorry this is all over the place, and without a closing poem...
Monday, January 31, 2011
the bitter pill
well, I'm on some med.s, as well as having my usual rhythm distorted. In some ways this is good. It allows me to try somethings. My plans for a "unique Valentine's Day" treat for Mick are going well. However my mood, & my stomach, are very erratic of late. Which inspires a "less than jolly" poem tonight...
not prescribed
by a doctor
this bitter thing
needs to dissolve
to go away
not to be revisited
permanently grounded
buried, really
preferably
somewhere
no one
will ever want to come out
and play near.
by b.e. noll
The bitter pill
again
with these pills.
trouble,
distraction,
bad,
shallow thought garbage.
actions
that shouldn’t be
acted out,
or wrote down
for that matter.
up, down, inside out
outside in
the end of a rope
the start of a design
meandering through
preparing for some things
not ready for anything
not prescribed
by a doctor
this bitter thing
needs to dissolve
to go away
not to be revisited
permanently grounded
buried, really
preferably
somewhere
no one
will ever want to come out
and play near.
by b.e. noll
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Rest, questions, indecition
I'm still working on "managing my digital life". Actually, as Donald Miller puts it on his blog, my "digital clutter" [and my other clutter]. I go back & forth with whether to have 1 blog & jump from poem to photos to thoughts to drawings to... So I may end up pulling everything to here. Feeling this way tonight.
So [with more than a little irony] Tomorrow my growth group will talk about the sabbath. Rest. Sometimes others have wonderful questions for us to discuss in group. Can it be my turn? -oops, that's a question already.
What is rest to you? Can be different for different people? Are there things that can never be rest -for anyone? Are you looking forward to your next chance? Are you running from rest?
For me, part of my worship & rest is hiking. Taking photos while hiking, even writing & drawing can be restful for me. Often my Sat. mornings are my sabbath. Largely for this reason. It's also why I drag my feet with publishing photos. It's kind of letting others in on my private time with The Almighty. Not that you can hear our "conversation", yet... there is a "sacredness" to the event. I think of Phil Keaggy when I think of this. His instrumental cds seem like I am allowed into his prayer closet when he has run out of words, picks up his guitar, & continues praying through the instrument.
Well, as I abruptly switch gears, I should go for now.
One of my older poems is in the current issue of inklings.
I really enjoy picking these up & reading the other stories & poems inside.
Sabbath
rest
exhale
a time
for calm
a time
for You
for us
a chance to
unplug
tune out
the frantic
"act now"
urgency
that seems
to ooze from everywhere
nerves
muscles
relax
a recalibration
a healing moment
between tasks
or battles
I always know
when
I need one
either
because I'm counting down to it
or because
I'm long overdue
thank you
for always showing up
for each
and every one
b.e. noll
So [with more than a little irony] Tomorrow my growth group will talk about the sabbath. Rest. Sometimes others have wonderful questions for us to discuss in group. Can it be my turn? -oops, that's a question already.
What is rest to you? Can be different for different people? Are there things that can never be rest -for anyone? Are you looking forward to your next chance? Are you running from rest?
For me, part of my worship & rest is hiking. Taking photos while hiking, even writing & drawing can be restful for me. Often my Sat. mornings are my sabbath. Largely for this reason. It's also why I drag my feet with publishing photos. It's kind of letting others in on my private time with The Almighty. Not that you can hear our "conversation", yet... there is a "sacredness" to the event. I think of Phil Keaggy when I think of this. His instrumental cds seem like I am allowed into his prayer closet when he has run out of words, picks up his guitar, & continues praying through the instrument.
Well, as I abruptly switch gears, I should go for now.
One of my older poems is in the current issue of inklings.
I really enjoy picking these up & reading the other stories & poems inside.
Sabbath
rest
exhale
a time
for calm
a time
for You
for us
a chance to
unplug
tune out
the frantic
"act now"
urgency
that seems
to ooze from everywhere
nerves
muscles
relax
a recalibration
a healing moment
between tasks
or battles
I always know
when
I need one
either
because I'm counting down to it
or because
I'm long overdue
thank you
for always showing up
for each
and every one
b.e. noll
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Re-Imagine [a "work-in-progress"]
I'm a bit nervous to do this. This is a "weird sort of thank you" for the new art display in the Common Grounds coffee bar @ LW.
It's called "Being Made". It features unfinished "works-in-progress" by LW artists. We are God's "works-in-progress". So, to harmonize with this, here are 2 unfinished poems.
I hope some of you can bear with me, as I used 2 John Lennon songs as the impetus of the poems.
I get to hear, rather loudly for my taste, classic rock at work. Being in the middle of a rather prolific period of poem writing, "imagine" came on. And some of these "lyrics" [if you can call them that] came out of me. So unfinished, untamed, unedited [yikes]...
here is a "re-do" of Imagine, & Happy Christmas [war is over], my favorite version of this last song, is by The Alarm. [doesn't this guy ever get sick of Christmas??]
"Re-Imagined"
this is what it was all for
birth in a manger
death on a cross
buried in a tomb
that was empty
3 days after
-well... told ya it was a rough draft.
enjoy.
I'm looking forward to a small snow storm, here [1-3 inches]. If it snows, I will rejoice and be glad of it.
Thankful for the maker of snow,
B
It's called "Being Made". It features unfinished "works-in-progress" by LW artists. We are God's "works-in-progress". So, to harmonize with this, here are 2 unfinished poems.
I hope some of you can bear with me, as I used 2 John Lennon songs as the impetus of the poems.
I get to hear, rather loudly for my taste, classic rock at work. Being in the middle of a rather prolific period of poem writing, "imagine" came on. And some of these "lyrics" [if you can call them that] came out of me. So unfinished, untamed, unedited [yikes]...
here is a "re-do" of Imagine, & Happy Christmas [war is over], my favorite version of this last song, is by The Alarm. [doesn't this guy ever get sick of Christmas??]
"Re-Imagined"
Lennon’s IMAGINE
Imagine there’s only
1 country
land as far as the eye can see
1 beach
to land on
at the edge
of a mighty sea
1 unchallengeable king
to serve, willingly
one who’s not
high on himself
Yet has the right
to be
nothing to kill or die for
His kid
did that all for me
Who loves you too
Imagine
all
of us living
life
together
peacefully
you may say I’m dreaming
I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
When the world
will be ruled by one.
Imagine there’s only 1 country
land as far as the eye can see
1 beach to land on
at the edge of a mighty sea
1 unchallengeable king
to serve, willingly
imagine all of his people
living
peaceably
yoo hooh ooo ooo
I hope
you will join us
on that day
when the world
will be healed
and we’ll live [and worship] the one
[Happy Christmas {war is over}]
and so this is Christmas
last
and longest one
on a land without darkness
can’t help but be fun
the happiest Christmas
one that will never end
the one where
I get to see
my best gift
His one
and only son
face to face
to have
and to hold
to be held
to behold
the war
is finally won
war is over
been waiting impatiently
war is over
now
all colors are equal now
every
single one
don’t matter where you came form
don’t matter how you got here
only that you’ve come
all of time is over
happy Christmas
happy endless “new year”
joy
to see friends
family
long lost to me
all gathered around
healthy
wise like “old people”
energetic
like children
[what a joy it is
to know
that when Jesus said
he was “going to prepare a place for me”
he knew
how to decorate it
-home isn’t a place
home is the people closest to us
all gathered together-
And so
this is what it was all for
birth in a manger
death on a cross
buried in a tomb
that was empty
3 days after
-well... told ya it was a rough draft.
enjoy.
I'm looking forward to a small snow storm, here [1-3 inches]. If it snows, I will rejoice and be glad of it.
Thankful for the maker of snow,
B
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