Wednesday, October 10, 2012

there's something about "it"

Ok. So this is a bit uncomfortable for me to "put out there". I was inspired by a story behind a song, to write this next poem. I guess this might be a "beauty & the beast" post. I'd like to think that at least the picture is pretty & calming. Hope it isn't too harsh for you...



it
consumed me
it
was a pale
that all the pieces of me
were kept in
my definition
the bench I sat on
the corner
I disappeared into
it
was all that & more
it
had a receipt
like it owned me
or something
it
had no beginning
& no end
from horizon
to horizon
as far as I was willing to look
it
was there
like graffiti
on my soul
nasty
hopeless
graffiti
the opposite of the cool stuff
Red:1 does
I was never gonna be free from

or get away from
it
somehow…
I had to
cause I’m never gonna
BE
anything
until I escape
it
so I did
I wrote
I carved into paper
my anger
I verbally “threw up”
into notebooks
I rubbed my own blood into them
to kill
it
to silence
it
to “jack it up”
 against
the spine
of my notebook
“you want a piece of this?!?!
come & get it”
“bring it”
cause one of us
has to die
I don’t care if it’s me
just
don’t think I’m gonna
lie there & wait
no
you want to kill me
get in shape boy
you’ll need to
…so
then it was
it or me
wasn’t easy
wasn’t fun
wasn’t short enough

with some help
and prayers from many
now
Just me.
it
is dead.

by b.e. noll
 

I took this picture on our Sunday walk @ my Uncle's cabin. In Reed's Gap State Park.